To Quote That One Rapper, “Get Low”

Nothing can take a date from great to…not great quite like unrealistic expectations. Maybe he is just as charming as your text banter. Maybe you both really do have the same chemistry in person as you do over the phone. There is a chance that he is the one. But for the love of god, please just let things unfold naturally. Do NOT start naming your hypothetical children because you had a good date or two. No relationship can bear the weight of that. So lower your expectations a bit and start having fun.

Let Go of Expectation: The Bottomline

Here are some things to keep in mind to help you maintain normal, healthy expectations, instead of planning a spring wedding because he paid for a singular movie:

1. Remember, you don’t know him

You have to stop pedestaling people in general, but especially when you don’t know them. And you don’t know him. Even the entire first year everyone is on their best behavior- you’re not seeing anyone for who they really are, especially if you have your expectation blinders on full force. You can be excited for how he shows up and presents himself and still hold him accountable. 

2. Give him time to prove himself

He might talk a big game, but you’re going to have to let time tell you if his actions align with his words. I’m not saying you have to show up in a detective hat ready to interview him like a prime suspect, but you can be confidently neutral as you wait for him to earn your trust over time. You have to give him time to show you he’s the man he claims.

3. Get good at being single

Nothing flings you into any old relationship quite like desperation. If all you can focus on is what you lack and how lonely you are, you’re going to be willing to settle for anything. It also makes you more apt to make him your center once you do get into a relationship which again, is undue pressure and expectation. You’re going to have to learn to be complete on your own because desperate settling is only going to hurt you on your path to finding love, so don’t waste your time with it.

4. Let go of scarcity

Stop thinking there’s only one person out there for you like some toxic character on Sex and the City- is it me or did that show not age well? This whole idea that there’s only one “twin flame” to complete you and if you let him pass you by you’ll be alone forever? No thanks. 

5. Expect to be disappointed

Not everyone is going to be a match, and that’s ok. Maybe someone seemed great via text or phone calls, but in person, there’s just nothing there. That’s ok. It doesn’t say anything about you or them. Maybe you hit it off, but end up wanting different things; again that’s ok. You got some good dating practice in, and you took a risk even if it ultimately didn’t work out. It’s not some grand commentary about you or them, it just means you’re not right for each other. Now you can go find someone who is.

Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.

Exciting news! The doors are now open for Swipe Right…in this 2-day live workshop, you’ll learn how to date like a mother fucking queen! https://michellepanning.com/swipe-right 

And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!

See you back here in the next one!