Hello, my loves. Today, I want to tackle a complicated topic: twin flames.

I got inspired to talk about this by a documentary series I just watched on Netflix called Escaping Twin Flames. If you have not watched it, there will be spoilers here, so if you want to watch without spoilers, maybe watch and then come back to this to get my thoughts.

To sum it up: what the fuck is happening there?

But we’ll get to that later. First, here’s what I think about “twin flames…”

The Truth of Twin Flames

If you’ve been in my world for a while, or you’ve done Connected Woman, you will know that we talk about the concept of twin flames, and you’ll already know my stance on it. But for those who don’t…

I’m going to be very real and direct. Here’s my quick stance on twin flames:

I think it’s a load of bullshit.

Full stop.

I think it is an excuse for people to take a spiritual concept and use it as a tool to manipulate people, or keep people, or justify to themselves why they are in an abusive or toxic relationship.

Here’s what I’ll say about twin flames. I believe that “twin flame” connections, are actually karmic connections.

I do believe in karmic connections. I believe that you are destined to meet that person. I believe that they have lessons for you, as you have lessons for them, and you need to learn those lessons.

However, I don’t believe that those “twin flame” relationships are necessarily the person that you’re meant to stay with.

In fact, I’ve seen that in those twin flame relationships or karmic connections, there can be a lot of turbulence. There can be a lot of conflict. There can be a lot of projections…and that’s all needed.

These things are necessary, because they are reflecting parts of you that you have disowned. But I’ve seen people talk about twin flames in a way that does not reflect this at all.

It’s very much this energy of, “No, no, no, no, no. You don’t understand. I know he’s addicted to drugs and I know that he’s really abusive, but we’re twin flames. We’re meant to be.”

I’m using a very dramatic example there, but you get what I’m saying, right? I’ve seen a lot of people use that language as a catch-all excuse for putting up with shitty behavior and staying in something well, well, well past its expiry date.

Mexico Man

You guys have probably heard me talk about “Mexico Man” before, but if you haven’t, let me give you a quick rundown on my own “twin flame” connection. (Also, come back again next week, because I’ll be talking more about it then.)

Long story short, I believe this man was a karmic connection for me. I believe that we were meant to meet each other, and I learned a fuck ton from that connection, even though it was short.

We built six months of emotional intimacy before we met in person. He was a friend of a friend, but he lived in another country, so we only ever talked online until we ended up meeting in Mexico, because I was going there for a retreat.

We only met in person for nine days, but that relationship shook me so much. I didn’t get over it fully until I met Drew, which was years later.

However, while there were so many lessons in that connection for me, him and I were not meant to last. We were not meant to be in a legitimate relationship together.

Even thought we weren’t meant to be together, we both had such gold for the other person. I gained so much from that connection—not just when it was good, but when it was bad. Even when that connection was falling to shit, I learned a lot.

I believed that guy was my person…and then he ended up being someone else’s person. Just because we were “twin flames” doesn’t mean we were meant to be…but people still use “twin flame” terminology to give excuses for staying in something really, really, really shitty. And I think the spiritual community has done such a fucking disservice to people who are vulnerable and looking for love by using this terminology as a way to force a square peg into a round hole.

And in some cases, like in the documentary I’m about to discuss, it can even get dangerous.

Use Your Intuition

So this documentary is called Escaping Twin Flames. It talks about this couple who created a brand/coaching company called Twin Flames Universe.

They had a free Facebook group, and then they had programs that you could sign up for. So far so good, right? That’s not too dissimilar from what I do. I have this free community with the podcast, I have my Instagram, and then if you feel called to work with me, you can.

That’s how many people run their coaching businesses, which is perfect. But this particular coaching program was gaining people through manipulation and coercion, and there was no emphasis on anyone having their own sense of sovereignty.

For example, this community was very big on masculine and feminine energy. So am I, but I believe that every single person has masculine and feminine energy. It’s not about women needing to be more feminine and men needing to be more masculine; it’s about you coming home to the truth of who you are and being an integrated human being in your masculine and your feminine, regardless of gender.

Now, the Twin Flames Universe people don’t see it that way. They’re big on the idea that men are masculine, women are feminine. Hold that in your mind as I reverse back and talk about what the fuck was happening in this space.

So, essentially, what can happen—and I’ve seen this, I’ve had clients who have done this, and I have felt this at one point—is that you meet someone, and you feel a spark. And maybe that spark isn’t reciprocated, but something has happened within you.

This is projectional love. You have projected something onto them. Often, this is a shadow aspect of yourself that you have not fully reclaimed, and once you project it onto them, you think that they are your ticket to wholeness.

People can then slip into limerence, where they become obsessive with someone. And when you are in that state, you’re very, very vulnerable, because you are so attached to the idea of this specific person being your person that you will pretty much believe what anybody tells you.

That is a very difficult space to be in, because anyone who is not acting in integrity can manipulate you very easily if you are not connected to your intuition and your boundaries and your sovereignty.

So with Twin Flames Universe, there were a lot of these people in that community, because that’s what the “twin flame” language tends to attract.

People want to make sense of why they’re so obsessed with this person, and the explanation of them being “twin flames” gives them something to cling onto.

So just to give you a little bit of background on what a twin flame is, what they say—and again, I think it’s bullshit—but essentially, people believe that your soul was split in two, and your “twin flame” is the other half of your soul.

They are your soulmate. They are your twin flame. There is only one of them on the entire planet. (How ridiculous is that, the idea that there’s one person you’re meant to be with?)

So a lot of women in that group were obsessed with certain men. And there were also men in the group who were obsessed with certain women. And they would come into this group, and these leaders of Twin Flames Universe would encourage people to push the boundaries of that person that they thought was their twin flame.

Even if the other person said, “I’m not interested. Please leave me alone,” the leaders would tell them to keep messaging their “twin flame,” to keep talking to them, to send them nudes, to show up at their house, to show up at their work…all really, really, really unsettling and deeply disturbing and violating things. It’s all sorts of shades of fucked up.

And of course, there were people who were getting restraining orders put on them. They were getting arrested, even, and these leaders were still telling them, “Are you going to let a piece of paper get in the way of your twin flame?”

So there was a lot of manipulation and coercion happening, clearly. But that’s not even the whole of it.

Eventually, it became clear that nobody was getting coupled up, because…well, when you’re trying to couple up with someone who’s completely unwilling, someone who does not want to be in a relationship with you, of course that’s not going to go anywhere. And if you’re stalking someone and manipulating them and doing all this weird funky shit, of course they’re not going to want to be with you.

So at some point, the leaders of this program switched things up and started telling people that they knew who their twin flame was—that they’d channeled it, and they knew without a doubt who they were.

Now, I believe in channeling. I have channeled before. I’ve been with people who can fully channel. It’s beautiful. But again, I think there’s a lot of manipulation in that space, because you can say anything when you’re doing that.

What they ended up saying was that everyone’s twin flame was within the group. And this group, by the way, isn’t small. I’m not talking about a group of two hundred people. There were thirty thousand plus members in this group.

As you can imagine, that number was probably 80% women. So if you think about it, how are they going to match?  How’s that going to work if there’s only twenty men per eighty women? That doesn’t make sense, especially when most people in the group were heterosexual.

But regardless, they started creating pairings. And if you remember what I said about them being very strict on masculine and feminine, this is where that comes into play.

They started pairing same-sex couples together—so, women—but because they had this premise around men being masculine and women being feminine, they then said that one of those women would play the role of the masculine.

So, let’s say I’m in a relationship with…let’s call her Anna. And I don’t even fucking know Anna, but now this is my “twin flame.” Well, they would then say, “Oh, Michelle, you are the masculine in this relationship,” and then they would encourage me to transition.

I don’t just mean that I would be holding the masculine energy, but I would still be Michelle. They would fully make you transition. They would have you choose a man name, get on hormones, get a top surgery, cut off all their hair…all of it.

I’m sure you can gather that this was a cult—is a cult, actually. People still follow them. People still engage in that, even though there was a big falling out within the cult itself.

But I didn’t just want to talk about this to give you the ClifNotes version of the documentary. I wanted to talk about this because it proves just how important it is to use your fucking intuition when it comes to who you’re listening to.

If you’re wanting to sign up to a coaching program, or a course, or even a masterclass,  that’s great. But my desire for you is that you really lead with your intuition on who feels like a good fit for you.

Now, there will be plenty of people that you come across in the personal development industry that are totally in integrity. They are not manipulating people, they’re not shaming people, they’re not using coercion or these different weird tactics. They’re fully in integrity with their teachings…but they’re just not a good fit for you. And that doesn’t make them wrong. That doesn’t make you wrong, either. It’s just not a good fit.

Then there’s other people—and this is a small, small, small, small, small minority—who are legitimately dangerous to work with.

If you ever see someone’s stuff and just get a weird fucking feeling, if it feels icky and strange and out of alignment…do not ignore that. Trust that intuition.

I want you guys to have a good experience in the personal development industry, because there is so much good that goes on. But a lot of leaky shit can also happen in the industry.

So have your head screwed on. Ask questions, trust your gut, trust your knowing around whether or not someone is a safe person to work with. Don’t trust just anyone with your money and yourself.

Thank You…Times a Million

Let’s end this on a high note.

On November 11th, 11/11…I officially hit one million downloads in my podcast.

I just want to thank all of you who listen to Unf*ck Your Relationships. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for listening and sharing it with your friends, your partners, and whoever else you’ve shared it with. I am truly grateful for every single one of you.

Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for supporting this. And if you get value out of this, I would love, love, love—as a celebration of my one million in the podcast domain—if you could write a review on iTunes. It would mean the absolute world to me if you could each take a minute and do that. You have no idea how much it helps.

In the meantime, I’d love to know your thoughts on twin flames. Do you believe in them? Did you believe in them before, and now you don’t after seeing the documentary or hearing this episode?? I’d love to know. If you want to DM me, I would love to hear it, or you can shoot us an email at hello@michellepanning.com. I’ll be waiting!

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