Hello, my loves. Today I want to talk about what men find alluring in women…because it’s probably not what you think.

There’s a lot of bullshit out there about what men find attractive. A lot of it suggests you need to be a specific way or look a specific way in order to be alluring or magnetic to men. There’s a lot of misinformation, a lot of game-playing, and I’m fucking fed up with it.

Let’s clear the air about what men find attractive.

It’s Never Too Late To Allure Your Man

Disclaimer: the things that I’m going to share with you are not going to be alluring to every man. And what’s so cool about that is that these things actually serve as an excellent filtering system, because they are not intended to trap an avoidant man. They’re actually to help you attract and be in a relationship with someone who deeply cherishes you, loves you, and respects you.

This isn’t just for new relationships, either—you can take these things and use them to transform your current relationship. Even if you’ve been married ten, twenty, however many years, you can still shift the dynamic between you and your partner just by anchoring into what men find attractive.

The reason looking at what men find attractive works as an excellent filtering system is because the men who are in their rightful masculine and are wanting to cherish a woman, not just have some sort of trophy or have a woman around to validate them and have their needs met, are going to be very allured by these things. And a man who is just wanting to fuck around is actually going to be repelled by them, which—repeat after me—is exactly what we want.

Prioritize Your Internal World

First up on the list of what men find attractive: you prioritizing your internal world.

When I speak and teach about the feminine, I’m talking about your internal world: your feelings, your sensations, your emotions, all of that.

Unfortunately, many of us are living in a very masculine-dominant society where we don’t prioritize those things; instead, we put them on the back burner.

When this happens, instead of embracing what men find attractive in authenticity, we often end up either living a monotone, flatline life where we’re not actually connected to our feelings…or we are constantly having emotional outbursts.

When you’re living in that flatline state, it’s very much a vibe of people-pleasing. When someone asks how you are, you don’t even think about it—the answer comes out automatically. “I’m fine.” “I’m good.”

Are you fine? Are you good? Are you sure? Because I feel like you can’t be “fine” and good” all the time. Numbness isn’t on the list of what men find attractive.

This people-pleasing energy is actually not what men find attractive when they’re in their rightful masculine…nor is it alluring when you’re constantly in this volcano-like state where you’re having emotional outbursts and being extremely reactive.

Imagine putting a pot of water on the stove. Your emotions are the water. If you turn the heat on, the water will start by simmering…but if you take your eyes off it, it can go from a simmer to a boil without you ever noticing the in-between. And if you’re really not paying attention, it can bubble over and splash all over the stove…and maybe even burn someone standing nearby. Again, not what men find attractive.

The same thing happens with our emotions. When we don’t catch them in the simmer stage, they get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until there’s a huge eruption. 

Avoiding these states isn’t the only benefit of connecting to your internal world. Knowing and loving yourself on a deep level is a huge part of what men find attractive, because it excites them.

Have you ever noticed that when you are really into someone, you become quite self-conscious? You might even start curating your behavior to fit what you feel that they would want from you. For example, if you think that they would want someone who’s really sweet and soft and nurturing, you might try to be more like that and display those traits. But that’s not what men find attractive.

In actuality, this usually results in the guy you’re interested in being totally unfazed by you. Whereas if you have a male friend that you have no romantic interest in whatsoever, you might find him being like, “You are like heroin to me.  I just want to be around you. I think you’re the coolest thing since sliced bread.”

Why is that? Because you are being completely yourself. You are not trying to hide your internal world. You are fully being authentic. He actually gets to feel the depth of you as a woman, which is so potent and so powerful. That’s what men find attractive.

This is why I bang on so much about being connected to yourself, because if you can’t connect to yourself, he can’t connect to you.

No Apologies

The next piece of what men find attractive is a woman not apologizing for who she is…or how she is in a particular moment.

For instance, if you tend to be quite shy and awkward on a first date, just be unapologetic about that! It’s okay to be shy and awkward. Or maybe you’re quite outgoing and confident and bold, and you can be unapologetic in that as well. What men find attractive is you being unapologetically yourself, no matter who that is.

Now, that’s not to say you should be loud and obnoxious and be like, “I don’t give a fuck. I don’t care what you think.” It’s not like that. It’s more like, “This is who I am, and I love who I am. And a man getting the chance to love who I am is a privilege.”

That’s not coming from a space of superiority or self-righteousness. It’s from a place of deep self-worth where you recognize what you bring to the table and you recognize that there is no part of you that is wrong or bad.

When you love and accept yourself on a deep level, you attract people who love and accept you on a deep level. That is so alluring to a man.

Connection to Your Eros

What men find attractive when it comes to energetics is a woman who is connected to her eros, or her erotic energy.

Sexuality is part of that, but it’s not the entirety of what men find attractive. When I’m talking about what men find attractive in your erotic energy, I’m talking about a woman who is connected to her aliveness, her fullness, and her passion.

When you feel alive, when you’re connected to that erotic current that moves through you, there’s not a neediness that comes with it. When a woman is connected to her eros, having a man in her life is the cherry on top. And this might sound wild, but I want you to pay attention to this one…

What men find attractive is actually a woman who loves herself more than she loves him.

Wait, what? That goes against everything that we’ve heard about what men find attractive! Shouldn’t we put our man first?

Look, I’m not saying that your partner shouldn’t be a priority. Absolutely. But I am number one in my life. And my partner, Drew, he is number one in his life.

If we do not prioritize our connections to ourselves—to our own erotic energy, to our own fullness, to our own aliveness—we actually can’t connect to each other’s erotic energy, fullness, and aliveness.

By you being connected to that erotic pulse within you, you help him to connect with that.

That is what the feminine does: the feminine inspires a man to step into his masculine.

What men find attractive is when they can connect to your energy. You’re not going to inspire a man to step into his masculine by berating him or criticizing him or telling him what he should and shouldn’t do. When a man feels moved by you, that is how you get him to move.

Being Receptive

The last thing I want to talk about concerning what men find attractive is you being in your receptive energy.

(If you want to learn more about this, I literally have a whole program where we’re going to go deep into men and money and healing our relationship to the masculine. It’s called Men, Money, Magnetism, and it’s happening right now. It’s not too late to get in!)

Being in our receptive energy is magnetic. There’s a difference between when you’re looking at someone with an outward gaze of looking at them, where you’re penetrating their field of vision, versus being receptive as you’re looking at them.

Yes, technically you’re still looking at them, but you’re actually receiving their gaze. You’re receiving their energy. You’re allowing them to see you, and that’s what men find attractive.

Allow Him to Give

Being in our receptive state can be about energetics, but it can also be surface-level…for instance, allowing him to pay for your meal, or allowing him to open your door.

Chivalry is not dead. And for all my strong, independent women who are like, “This is setting us back years,” look…you are an adult. You can choose to do whatever you want. But if you want a relationship where you are cherished, this is not about you not being able to make your decisions. This is about what men find attractive, and the fact is, men love when you are receptive.

Look, I have a huge energetic dick. When it comes to my business, I am the fucking boss. I love to make decisions. I love to delegate. I love to be a leader. I love to be in that masculine energy…but in my relationship, I don’t want to do that. I want to surrender. I want to feel taken care of.

I just celebrated my two-year anniversary with Drew, which was so fun. He planned everything. I didn’t know where we were going. He just told me what to pack.  I didn’t have to do anything. I didn’t lift a finger. I didn’t pay for it. I didn’t contribute in any way—I just showed up, and that was it, and it was amazing.

But if I had gone, “Oh, are you sure? Could I do something? Should I pay for half?” it would have actually taken away from his giving. It actually would have taken away from the payoff that he gets from giving if I wasn’t willing to receive. That’s not part of what men find attractive.

So allow yourself to receive. Connect to yourself. Feel your feelings. These things may not be what you usually hear when it comes to alluring men, but they are things that will allure the kind of man you’re looking for. Let this be your litmus test.

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