Hello, my loves. If you struggle with being confident, you picked the right post: today, we’re going to be talking about what actually stops people from being confident. 

(Spoiler alert: it’s not what you think.)

All Kinds of Confidence

Before we start, I want to say this: I don’t want you to look at my kind of confidence and think that’s what all confidence looks like. I want you to be confident in who the fuck you are.

There are so many different types of confidence, but people tend to get caught on one expression.

For example, let’s say you follow me on Instagram, and you see that my expression of confidence is very loud. It’s bold. It’s taking up a lot of space. It’s potentially triggering to people. And you might think, “Oh, well…she’s confident, and that’s how she is, so that’s how I need to be. I need to be really bold and act like this and talk like this and—”

That is simply not true.

When I talk about you becoming your most confident, boldest, baddest self, I mean becoming the most authentic version of you and being unapologetic about it.

Why People Aren’t Confident

With that said…here are some of the reasons people struggle with confidence.

Comparison

First and foremost, there’s comparison. Comparison is you looking at every other motherfucker, particularly other women, and being like, “Oh, she has something that I don’t,” or “She’s doing it better than me,” or “She’s ahead of me.”

I’ve struggled with this myself. Looking around at other people, it felt like life was this race, and I was losing…but it’s actually not about the finish line, or how fast you run the race.

All you need to do is ask yourself this: are you even running the fucking race?

The majority of people never take a single fucking step towards their big, scary dreams. So comparison is actually irrelevant, because the only person that you can compare yourself to is you.

At the end of the day, I’m in a fucking race with myself. The only person that I need to do better than is the Michelle I was yesterday.

Perfectionism

The next thing that stops people from being confident is perfectionism. When people need something to be perfect before being confident in it, they end up cock-blocking themselves for literal fucking years—or forever—because they’re waiting until they feel confident to go do the thing versus actually doing the thing, which builds the confidence.

Nothing helps being confident like just…doing the thing.

Being confident doesn’t work the other way around. If you want to become an amazing runner, you do that by running. You can’t work on being confident by thinking about running—you have to do it, and more than that, you have to suck in the beginning.

When you start out, you’re going to be alternating between like a very slow jog and then walking and then jogging again, and slowly you build up your speed and endurance. Being confident is hard in that stage. But you’re only going to get really, really good at it—and potentially be the best at it—by sucking in the beginning.

So you need to decide…is it fucking worth letting people see you suck at it for a while? Because I can just about promise you it is.

The Need to Get it Right

The last thing that really hinders people from being confident is the feeling that they NEED to get things right all the time.

This is similar to perfectionism, but not quite the same. It’s not so much about doing it PERFECTLY—it’s about getting it “right” the first time.

People who think like this think that if it’s not going to be “right,” then they’re not going to do it.  But how are you going to get things right if you don’t get things wrong first?

If you don’t ask questions, if you’re not willing to learn, if you’re not willing to be a beginner, if you’re not willing to look like a complete idiot at first…you’re not going to learn.

This is the thing: everyone wants to be confident, but no one wants to meet their insecurities.

Everyone wants to be the best, but no one wants to ask questions in order to get there.

This constant need to be right about everything, or to get things right and never make a mistake, is seriously hindering your confidence. Because if you have this incessant need to always be perfect, to always get things right, and you’re comparing your chapter one to someone else’s chapter one hundred, you’re going to feel paralyzed. You’re just going to fucking stay home and ruminate on your insecurities, which is really not helpful.

If you want to be confident, you need to be willing to meet yourself where you’re at. You need to be willing to be a beginner. You need to be willing to see your insecurities. You need to be willing to see where you’re actually not confident at all and be compassionate toward yourself instead of being critical.

Join MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY

If you want to actually come into a course and not just learn about confidence, but actually fucking embody confidence, I have fantastic news: I am running my signature confidence course, Main Character Energy, starting in mid-August.

If you are a people pleaser, if you put everyone before yourself, if you pride yourself on being a “good girl,” if you have all these desires but you don’t go for them (or you don’t even allow yourself to have desires because “it’s not going to happen anyways”), then you need to be in Main Character Energy. I promise you, you’ll be a different fucking person after you leave that course. You can find the link below. I’ll see you next time.

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY, a 6-week course on becoming the main character of your life and stepping into delusional confidence: https://michellepanning.com/main-character-energy

Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY – THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy 

Join The Connected Woman EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman-experience

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com