Hello, my loves. Today, we’re going to talk about how to detach like a high-value woman and stop obsessing over people who do not deserve you. Because let’s be honest—there are a lot of you out there who are settling for absolutely nothing.

If you are struggling to let go of someone or something, this is going to shake you in your motherfucking boots. Hold on tight and prepare to get rattled.

The Truth About Detachment

Why are we clinging so tightly to absolutely anything we can get, trying to make square pegs fit into round holes, settling for motherfucking breadcrumbs, when we could detach from the situation and give ourselves the chance to find the kind of relationship we actually deserve for once?

Now, this isn’t easy. Detachment is a skill, and once you actually master it, it will change your whole life.

When people hear “detachment,” they often think it means being apathetic. “I don’t care. I’m over it. I have no power here. I’m detached.”

That’s not true. Detachment is not apathy. Detachment is not apathy—detachment is power.

Detachment is not, “I don’t care.” It’s, “I care about myself more.”

Running and Chasing

When you learn to detach, you stop reacting, and you start choosing. Because the version of you that is running after a motherfucking man? That version of you is not the vibe.

If you are chasing someone, their natural response is to run away from you.

If you’re talking to a man about what he wants in a relationship, there is a very big difference between saying, “Here’s what I want in a relationship. These are my standards, and you need to meet them,” versus “Here’s what I want in a relationship. These are my standards. You can choose to meet them or not, but I’m only entertaining people who meet those standards.”

For example, if you know that you want marriage and kids, telling a man you’re dating that you want marriage and kids doesn’t mean you’re demanding that from him. You’re just saying, “I want marriage and kids. If you don’t want that same thing, okay. Fantastic. We’re not a match.”

That is detachment. That is the version of you who doesn’t chase, who doesn’t beg; you let what is meant for you come to you. That’s the version that you’re stepping into when you master detachment.

What to Detach From

Earning Love

The first thing that you need to detach from is people who make you feel like you have to earn their love.

You don’t have to earn someone’s love.

While deep, satisfying, safe, healthy love is built over time, you don’t have to earn someone’s love by being a “good girl” or a “good woman.”

If someone is hot and cold with you and making you work for their attention? Instant ick. Say goodbye, immediately.

I want you to get to the point that when someone is being inconsistent, avoidant, non-communicative, dishonest, etcetera, you immediately are disgusted by that behavior.

That person is not your fucking soulmate. Period.

The person you’re meant to be with will not treat you like that. They will not keep you guessing about how they feel about you.

You do not have to earn someone’s love. So if they’re keeping you guessing, they are your lesson. Learn it and move the fuck on. We do not have time for that.  We have shit to do.

Addiction to Struggle

The next thing that you need to detach from is the version of you that is addicted to struggle. 

If you are addicted to chaos, you are addicted to the highs and the lows. You need to be able to let that go.

How do you do that? You do it through embodiment. You do it through regulating your nervous system. You do it through shadow work. You do it through mindset work. You do it through working with me in The Connected Woman and/or The Experience.

Most people who are addicted to chaos say they want peace, but they actually want the chaos, because they’re addicted to being in survival mode.

When your nervous system is used to chaos, safety is going to feel really unsafe. So when your nervous system is wired for inconsistency and you start dating a really healthy man,

you’re actually going to feel more anxious than if someone was playing hot and cold with you.

You’ll know if you’re addicted to suffering because every time things start going well for you, whether it’s in work, your health, your relationships, your friendships, etcetera, you’ll find a problem and fixate on it until it becomes impassable. So you need to let that shit go. You need to detach from that.

Detach from Stagnancy

You also need to detach from things that are keeping you stagnant.

The job that you hate that barely pays the bills, but you’re too afraid to leave + try for more,  or the thing that actually gives you a lot of money but is sucking the absolute life out of you…you need to let that go.

Not just jobs, either. The friendship that is based in gossip and lies. The situationship that is giving you the bare minimum. Anything that is keeping you stuck where you are, you need to detach from it, even if it feels like a big leap.

How to Detach? Find Out in UFYR!

So how do you actually detach from these things? In Episode 185 of Unf*ck Your Relationships, I’ll go deeper into some of the things you need to detach from and walk you through how to detach, release, and stop clinging to things that just aren’t fucking working in your favor. Grab your headphones and get settled in—we’ll get this done together.

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience

Want to experience a profound transformation that lasts a lifetime? Sign up for the Retreats BUNDLE: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/alchemy-retreat-bundle-2026

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

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Website: http://www.michellepanning.com