Hello, my loves. I am truly excited to introduce you to one of my amazing clients, Abigail!

I’ve literally witnessed this woman blossom and come into her own as she embodies what it means to be a high-value woman. She came to my retreat all the way from the US, and I’m so proud of her.

I always find it really valuable to hear from people who have actually done the thing, because sometimes it can be really easy to think, “Oh, that’s for other people. I can’t have that,” and that’s not true. Every woman everywhere can do this. So I’ve invited Abigail here today to tell you about her transformation!

Meet Abigail

Michelle: So Abigail, hello! Welcome. I’m so excited you’re here.

Abigail: Thank you! So, to introduce myself, my name is Abigail Elizabeth. I’m from Arizona in the States, and I’m so excited to be here with you, Michelle.

Michelle:  So, obviously I want to talk about where you are now, because you’re doing really amazing things. But first, I want to bring us back to where you were before. What was the first thing that you did with me? Was it Connected Woman?

Abigail: I started with the podcast originally, and then joined Connected Woman from there. And on Week Four of The Connected Woman, you started running your ads for Main Character Energy, and I knew that was where I needed to be, so I ended up popping into that—in fact, I ended up signing up for the Platinum tier of The Experience because I just knew I needed all your things in my life.

When I started with the podcast, I was having a really hard time with my then-spouse, and I was feeling a lot of shame about myself. I felt that I was the problem because I had all this jealousy and all of these insecurities.

So I went and opened up Spotify, and I literally typed out, “Unfuck myself.” And there you were!

From Book Knowledge to Embodied Wisdom

Abigail: Your vulnerability about your own struggles and your willingness to own some of the cooked shit that you did immediately made me feel connected to you. You went through the same things I did, but you found a way through them, and that’s exactly who I wanted to learn from.

When I think back to that time, I remember being in such a frantic space, because I so desperately wanted to not feel the things I was feeling. I felt so wrong for feeling all of those things, but I couldn’t understand the why behind them. And without that, I couldn’t address them.

I’d read a million books and gone to classes and all of those things, so I knew the theories behind the work, but it was the joy of getting to work with you and embracing the woo-woo a little bit that actually transformed everything. Learning the power of embodiment and stepping into those practices in a real way changed so much.

Learning How to Need

Abigail: I tried to find my first post in our Facebook group the other day, and I couldn’t find it, but I did find a video that I recorded for myself back then, and it so clearly demonstrated all the ways my life has changed.

I was literally recording from my guest bedroom of my house, because I had moved into a a separate bedroom from my then-husband. I’d painted myself into this relationship where his needs mattered most to me and my needs didn’t get to matter—and then when I hit the point where my needs actually needed to matter, I couldn’t understand why he didn’t care. Why couldn’t he care when I’d given him everything?

But because I’d literally created this relationship where my needs didn’t need to matter, then when things hit dire straits, of course he didn’t understand the repercussions of that or dive in to help, because we’d established the pattern of him pulling away in those times.

It was a very different life than I have now, and I’m really happy I was able to come out of that.

Michelle: Me too. Now, can you tell me what that process was like? I think a lot of women listening to this can resonate with pretending they don’t have needs until things hit a point where they can no longer deny that they have needs, and it does feel dire at that point.

We would all rather not have our needs, but we have them, and we can’t help ourselves from having them. So when we have to admit we have them, and our partners won’t or can’t meet them, it gets to a desperate point really quickly.

Now, at this point, you’re actually quite good at asking for what you need, advocating for yourself, and setting boundaries, but that doesn’t happen overnight. Can you walk us through that process? Did it feel easy, or did it take a long time?

Abigail: It has actually been very painful…but in the best way. It’s not easy, but it’s all worth it.

For me, the biggest part was even figuring out what I needed. I had gotten so good at putting myself and my needs to the wayside that I couldn’t recognize them.

I became a mom two months after I turned 19. I was working full-time, I was a college student, I was a mom, and in literally every relationship I was in, I was the financial support, I was cooking and cleaning and growing the family, and I got very good at shutting down all of my needs because everybody else had to matter more in every way.

When it came to the point when we decided to get divorced, the first choice that I made to meet my own needs was actually buying The Connected Woman.

Just prior to that, I already had a lot of trust and jealousy issues, but he became friends with somebody who was in an open relationship and started pushing my boundaries further and further. On top of that, he was traveling for work a lot, so it was just my personal hell.

All I was asking for was some reassurance and some love, and even that was too much.

When I decided to get The Connected Woman, I remember telling him, “Just give me 12 weeks, and I’ll be better.” I thought if I could get through the course, I would know I was capable of “fixing” myself. That was the mindset I had: “I’ll fix myself for you.”

Instead, he bailed out on our long-planned family vacation shortly after, and when I came back, he told me he didn’t want to do it anymore. He wanted a divorce.

I was crushed. I kept thinking, “Am I going to spend my life alone? What if no one loves me?”

In the end, I thought to myself, “Fuck it. Fuck him. I’m still choosing this for me. I’m still investing this money in myself, because even if it doesn’t fix it for him, it fixes it for me.”

That was the very first time I was able to choose something just for myself.

And yes, it was uncomfortable learning how to acknowledge my own needs and choose myself. But I’ve lived a life that’s taught me that if I want something, I have to dive in hard.

I’ve been a single mom for most of my life. I’ve battled through cancer and autoimmune disease and so many things, but I was able to push through while still growing multiple businesses.

You don’t do that because it’s something that you feel like doing. You just do it. And that was how I approached my healing journey with you, too.

Hear The Whole Story on UFYR!

This is just the beginning of Abigail’s story—there’s so much more to her commitment to being uncomfortable and sticking out the painful part of her growth, and as I listened to her share, it genuinely brought me to tears. (It’s fine. I’m a professional.)

Don’t miss out on the rest of the story—head over to the Unf*ck Your Relationships podcast and listen to Episode 187 now. And when you’re done, head to Abigail’s podcast and listen to my interview over there!

WORK WITH ABIGAIL:

Arrange a boudoir photography session with Abigail: www.gingerephotography.com

Get one month FREE working with Abigail in exchange for an honest review! Use coupon code “michellepanning” now:  www.abigailknows.com

CONNECT WITH ABIGAIL: 

Listen to my guest episode on Abigail’s podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7l69B9CLs9KeY6zCytd5s1?si=t1WOYUQfQX-_S7L8Kgdr2Q 

Abigail’s Instagram: @kaizenlearninglabs, @gingerephotography

Abigail’s TikTok: @kaizenlearninglabs, @bosscamp101

The Kaizen Learning Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/64pxVLoQM8DjmjGtK2YgWF?si=_Mo_sEAmSvqAGthC1DqZEg 

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman

Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com