Hello, my loves. Today we’re going to discuss a thing that a lot of us are scared to do: holding your standards.

To kick this off, I want to talk about one of my clients, Renee. I got her permission to share this; we’ve worked together for three or four years now across various programs of mine, as well as one-to-one, and I have just seen this woman transform before my very eyes.

It’s so cool when you can be in close proximity with someone for a lengthy period of time, because you can really see their growth. And sure, you can do a lot in the short term too, but to watch someone’s journey over a long-term period…you just can’t beat it.

These few years have completely—and I mean completely—transformed her life. She’s in the Experience now, and she was sharing about this incredible relationship that she’s in, and I was like, “Let this be evidence for everyone in the group who’s wondering, ‘Where the fuck is he?’ I promise you he’s coming if you hold your standards.”

And that’s the key: choosing to hold your standards. But too many of us fold on that before we can see it come to fruition.

The Sexiest Thing a Woman Can Wear

After that chat, Renee ended up sending me a message that said, “Before he asked me to be his girlfriend, he said the sexiest thing about me is my self-worth, which makes him want to be a better man because of it.”

That is so good, because it’s so true. The sexiest thing a woman can wear is self-worth. It truly is.

I see this a lot when we’re talking about high-caliber men and women. I believe there are very high-caliber men who are the picture of what most women want, and-high caliber women as well who are the picture of what most men want.

I’m talking about being high-caliber on a conscious level, btw. Not weight or size or any of the aesthetic stuff. I’m talking about the kind of values that this person would hold.

A high-caliber man’s characteristics, for instance, would be honesty. Having integrity. This is a man who carries himself with loyalty. He cherishes his woman, he’s able to lead, he’s able to take charge, he has trust in himself, he has a purpose, he has a mission, he has drive, he has ambition.

A woman would attract this kind of man because she has high self-worth, and he’s so attracted to that.

Low Standards, Low Quality

After working with hundreds and hundreds of women, I can say with great confidence that  I’ve seen this trend of having low self-worth leading to aiming low with your standards, and therefore attracting low-standard men. And then once you get clear on the standards you do want to have for their lives, you get scared to actually hold those standards and say, “No, I’m not available for anything less than this.”

This happens because you’re too afraid to hold your standards. You’re afraid that if you say you’re not available for anything less than your standards, then you’re just going to be alone. No one’s going to be there. And this guy, he’s almost what you want. He’s kind of close. So it’s fine.

It’s not fine.

Something that was really beautiful with the client I just shared about is that she was not willing to entertain things that were an almost.

She had a sort-of relationship with someone that was an “almost,” and she ended it because she said, “It’s not fair to me. It’s not fair to him. I know that he cannot provide the things that I have decided that I need.”

And you know what happened after?

The perfect guy came along just a few days later! (JK.)

No, that didn’t happen. In fact, after she ended it with her “almost,” there was actually quite a bit of space where she wasn’t seeing anyone.

A lot of people get afraid of that space. They’re afraid to be in their own energy. They’re afraid to trust the process. They go, “See? I made a mistake. I should have just said yes to that guy. I should have just been with him. Maybe it wasn’t that bad.” They might even go running back to him.

But ultimately, dropping your standards is not going to get you the thing that you want, because that impulse is coming from scarcity.

When we actually have high self-worth, we’ve done the shadow work, and we believe with every fiber of our being that we can have what we want, we’re not afraid of stillness and silence. We’re not afraid of that period where it looks like there are no men.

Just Say No

It’s important for us to recognize that in order for us to call in the things that we actually want, we have to be willing to say no to the things that we don’t want.

That doesn’t mean you’ll never experience things that don’t meet your standards. But we can actually find clarity on what we do want by experiencing what we don’t want, because those things offer contrast.

So when you are experiencing a feeling like, “These guys that I’m attracting, they’re not fucking it,” you’re learning what you don’t want through contrast. You’re learning what your standards actually are.

If you’re in the manifestation world, we talk about quantum-leaping. And every single time that I have quantum-leaped, without fail, there has been a period of either turbulence or nothingness before. So it either feels like, “Oh my fucking God, this is a shit storm. This is so not what I want. What the fuck?” or a period of stillness where it looks like nothing’s happening and I’m not making any progress.

When my client Renee went through her period of stillness, she didn’t freak out during that time. She was just like, “I know he’s coming.”

Think about it: we don’t freak out about whether the sun is going to set today. We don’t go, “Oh my God, what if it doesn’t set? I need it to be nighttime. What if it never comes?”

When we know something is going to happen, we don’t freak out about it. This this is why our belief that we are the creators of our lives is so important. Because when you believe something so strongly, it is inevitable.

Say No When It Counts

Here’s an example of the importance of saying no to things that don’t meet your standards: I was seeing someone for about a month, maybe just shy of a month, right before the retreat where I met Drew. I really, really, really liked this guy; I still think the world of him, actually. I think he’s a wonderful human.

But he ended up saying, “I just can’t commit.” That was difficult. We had a conversation around it, and I was really upset, I cried, and then I let that go.

And a week and a half later, I met Drew. (Sometimes it does happen that way, but you have to be ready for a lot of nothing for a while too. Don’t rely on the fast track.)

Anyway, I look back on that now and I think, “Thank you, God.” Because had I still been seeing this guy when I went to that retreat, I would have not been open to Drew. I would have been like, “Oh, I really get along with you, but I’m seeing someone.” And then the inevitable would have happened anyways, and this guy would have come back three weeks after the retreat was done and said, “Actually, I still can’t commit.” Do you know what I mean?

And so when this guy was telling me he couldn’t commit, I had a choice. I could’ve compromised on my standards and stayed with him, but instead, I accepted his no and held my standard.

Saying no to the person who does not meet your standards is just as important as saying yes to the person who does meet your standards. Remember that, okay?

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