Hello, my loves. Today’s topic is a little bit spicy, but it’s something I’ve been noticing for a while, and I think it’s time we talked about it…

Unnecessary self-limitation.

Taking The Jump…Or Not

Let me start with a story about my own brush with self-limitation.

This summer, I’m going to be participating in a training. I’ve heard from the people who run it and the people who have gone that it’s next-level intense, so I’m preparing for that.

Essentially, I’m going to be doing sexological bodywork training, which will allow me to work with the body, not just work with people virtually.

When I work with people virtually, they have to do their own bodywork, but after this training, I’ll be able to work with people in person.

I have had this kind of work before, and it was some of the most transformative work that I’ve ever done. So after seeing this training and downloading the syllabus for three years in a row, I was like, “Okay,  clearly I want to do this. I’m going to take the fucking jump.”

So I’ve signed up for it. It starts in July, and there is a two-week retreat that happens in September that actually falls at the same time as my 35th birthday, which…what a way to spend your birthday, right?

Now, the part I want to highlight here is that there are a few different accommodation options.

We’ll be staying at this one place, which I have stayed at before. When I was there last, I stayed in the dorms, and I hated it.

I hate sharing a room. I hate sharing my space with someone. My partner and I don’t even sleep in the same room because I do not like to share energy when I’m sleeping. I like to fully be in my own energy. And particularly at such an intensive retreat where I’m going to be receiving body work and giving body work, I do not feel great about sharing a space.

When I signed up to this training, they didn’t mention anything about dorms. They said you could either have a single room or a twin share room. But when I went to go pay in full and I said I would like a king room, they told me the only thing they had left were dorms. 

My heart fucking sank. I did not want to be in a fucking dorm again, and this had me reconsidering going at all; I actually even spoke to my mentor and told her that I might just do it next year.

But then I stopped and thought, “Fuck, Michelle, this is just a limitation that you’re putting on yourself because it isn’t happening under the perfect circumstances. You’re going to delay learning what you want to learn just because it’s not delivered in the exact format that you want it to be delivered in?”

So you know what? Fuck it. I’ll stay in the dorm. It’s an opportunity for me to expand my boundary-setting, and I’m going to come extra prepared with my own pillow and blanket and lots and lots and lots of towels and shower shoes and all the things I need to feel comfortable as possible.

“Not the Right Time” or “Not the Way I Want?”

I’m sharing this story because I noticed myself setting self-limitations; I was keeping myself from something just because it wasn’t exactly how I wanted it.

I really want to learn this thing. I’ve known I wanted to learn it for a long time. And I’m going to hold back just because it’s not being delivered in the exact circumstances that I want it to be delivered in?

Like, yeah, of course I want the retreat to be at a nicer place. I want the retreat to not be on my birthday. I want to be in a single room by myself. But none of those things are actually stopping me from going and doing the thing. All that would keep me from going is my own self-limitation.

This is such a reflection of the self-limitation I have seen when people want to come be part of a program. It’s not just me; I’ve seen self-limitation happening across the board with coaching.

People like to go, “Oh, it’s not the right time,” when it’s actually just not the way they want it to be. “Oh, I missed the early bird pricing.” “Oh, there are no live calls.” “Oh, it’s in a different time zone.” I’ve heard all the self-limitation excuses.

Getting rid of self-limitation is part of unfucking your relationship with yourself. I could have given in to self-limitation and said, “Okay, I’m going to wait another year to do this,” and by the time I finished, it would be early 2026.

Am I actually going to delay this by that much because I don’t want to stay in a fucking dorm? No.

Here’s another self-limitation example: I’ve had people say, “You have live calls in your program, and the live calls are at three in the morning for me, so I’m not going to sign up to the course.”

I’m just going to get real here.  I have a client who works full-time, is married, is a mom, and has started her own coaching business. The calls are not convenient for her time zone. And you know what? She has not missed one fucking call, period. So I don’t want to hear the excuses about time zones. Either get up or watch the replay, okay? You don’t need to be on live calls to be able to extract the juice from them.

Preference is Fine—Procrastination Isn’t

We have lost the ability to be self-responsible humans and avoid giving in to self-limitation. If something is not delivered in the exact fucking manner that you want it to be delivered in, you’re out…and this is probably why you have the life that you do.

Now, when I’m talking about self-limitation, I don’t mean that you aren’t allowed to have a preference. You can have a preference for live calls. You can have a preference for the call happening at ten in the morning versus two in the morning for you.

It’s not about having a preference. It’s whether or not you allow that preference to be a limitation for you and procrastinate something you desperately want to do.

I prefer to have my own room. I’m going to stay in the dorms anyway. It might be uncomfortable for me to spend that amount of time in such close quarters for two weeks, but I can make it happen. I can endure that to not have to wait another year or more to have this happen.

If You Want It, You Will Make It Happen

When we want something badly enough, we figure out a way to make it happen.

I’m never going to be a victim to my external—or internal—limitations. I’m not going to ask the retreat center, like, “Hey, can you change the date of the retreat? That’s my 35th birthday, and I would actually like to go to the spa instead of fingering someone’s butthole.” I’m going to do this training because I want it badly enough to make it happen, even if that means spending my birthday differently than I’d like.

I will get people in my DMs all the time saying things like, “Oh my God, I don’t have a relationship with my children,” or “I don’t know who the fuck I am,” or  “I feel so insecure,” or “I feel so disconnected from my pussy,” etcetera,  and they ask what program they should do, and when I tell them, they go, “Yeah, but does it fit my time zone?”

Are you fucking kidding me? Tell me you don’t care about changing without telling me you don’t care about changing.

One of my mentors literally paid for a program when she was fucking homeless and sleeping in her car. Her credit card had gotten declined for gas, food, everything, and somehow her credit card worked for this program, and it changed her life.

When you want something bad enough, you figure out a way. Blaming the time zone or blaming how it’s delivered is the most immature shit I’ve ever heard.

Shake Off Your Self-Imposed Limitations

So long story short, you have a choice to make: do you want to go through the discomfort of change and things being a little bit uncomfortable, or do you want to go through the discomfort of things being exactly the same for the next five fucking years?

That’s a choice that you need to make. And I know which way I’m leaning.

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