Hello, my loves. Today, I’m going to be telling you the seven steps to building confidence…and you will see results way faster than you think.

This is not something that needs to take a long-ass time. There’s a misconception out there that building confidence takes years, but it truly doesn’t. There is some time involved, sure. But if you take this list and do these seven things consistently, you will be more confident, and it will happen fast.

A Word About Consistency

Let’s pause right here at the start and have a little chat about consistency.

People think consistency means they have to do it every single day, otherwise they are a failure. Not true, loves. Just look at me, okay?

Youir girl is just not the most consistent girly on the planet. I’m consistent in my inconsistency, if anything. Some of the things on this list, I don’t do every single day. Or I do them in some way, but I don’t do the same thing every single day.

I just want you to make sure you use discernment with consistency, because it looks different for everyone.

For example, if you were starting a workout plan, if you went from never working out to then making a goal to work out seven days a week…you’re probably setting yourself up for failure. But if you become consistent going three days a week, that’s amazing. And if you become consistent going three days a week and then miss one day because life happens, then…that’s all right. You don’t have to be mad at yourself because you didn’t go that extra day. You’re consistent fifty-one weeks out of the year, dude. You’re good.

Now that we’ve covered that…let’s talk about the seven steps to building confidence.

7 Steps to Confidence

Step 1: Learn to Say NO

First step to building confidence: learn to say no.

No is a full sentence. You don’t have to explain why you’re saying no. You can just say no without having to give a reason.

Here’s what smells of insecurity: “Oh, um, I’d love to, but it’s just that I have this baby shower that I’m going to,and I’ve been so busy…I don’t know if I’m going to be able to make that thing…”

Why? Why are you doing that? Just fucking say “No, thank you.” Or try, “No, I’m not available for that. I appreciate the invite, though.

Honestly, you want to learn to be more confident? Learn to stop kissing people’s asses. Learn to stop being a people-pleaser to save face.

You don’t have to give this lengthy-ass lie or even give a justification at all. Just say no. You don’t have to justify shit.

You want it because you want it. You don’t want it because you don’t want it. That is it.

Learn to Let Go

Second step to building confidence: learn to let go of toxic or unhealthy relationships.

And when I say learn to let go, I mean let that shit go. Detach, motherfucker. Seriously.

I hear from so many women that their friends would never be supportive of them doing this work, or their family would be so judgmental, or their partner wouldn’t  approve of them going to a retreat like mine.

Here’s what I have to say to that: I don’t take advice from people who are not doing the thing that I want to do.

Now, I’m not saying that everyone in my life needs to be doing the same work I am. But if they’re going to judge me for doing it, I’m not going to get lost in their shadow work.

It’s not about someone supporting your every move, but do they support you as a whole? Are they supportive of your growth? Are they supportive of your evolution? Or are they actually supportive of you staying insecure because they directly benefit from that?

You need to examine every relationship you have and ask, “Is this relationship supporting me? Is this advice or opinion actually helpful? Is this beneficial? Does it feel like there’s reciprocity in this relationship?” And if not, that’s going to seriously fuck with your confidence.

Build a Routine

The third thing is to build a routine for yourself.

That doesn’t mean that you need to join the 5 AM Club and you need to go for a fucking 10k run every single day and then have an acai bowl. I mean, you can if you want to, if that’s your dream routine, but you don’t have to.

For me, my routine is currently getting up at six and having a slow morning without my phone for an hour. You can build any routine you want as long as it’s consistent.

Move Your Body

Next tip for building confidence: move your body.

I’m all for rest and the slow life and listening to your body, but when I do nothing, I feel like shit.

And listen…I so want to be the girl who’s sick to go to the gym. I am not. I have to force myself there. If I did not have a friend that I train with, I don’t know if I would go. I just don’t have the motivation.

I highly recommend doing whatever you need to in order to set yourself up for success with this, whether that’s hiring a personal trainer or partnering with a friend or taking a class with someone else. There are so many options for accountability when it comes to moving your body, if that’s something that you struggle with. But it’s one of the most important steps to building confidence.

It’s not about body size or appearance or any of that shit. It’s about feeling more confident in your body and getting comfortable in it.

Follow Through

It may not seem like it, but this one is so important for building confidence: follow through on your word.

Not just with others, either. You need to keep your word to yourself.

If you consistently break your promises to yourself, that disintegrates self-trust. And when you don’t have self-trust, you lack confidence.

Someone who trusts themselves is a confident girly. They trust themselves to make decisions. And that doesn’t mean that you can’t get input from other people, but ultimately, you know that your word is law and that you follow through with what you say you’re going to do, even when it’s hard.

You know now that when you are trying to build confidence, there are certain things you need to do—like moving your body, setting a boundary in a relationship, saying no, etc. All these things require follow-through. And that leads me to the next tip for building confidence…

Do Things Scared

If you want to work on building confidence, you need to learn to do things scared.

So many people are waiting until they’re done building confidence to do the thing. But it’s actually the opposite:  you need to do the thing in order to feel confident.

Let’s say you want to start playing tennis. The first time you ever pick up a racket,  you’re probably not going to be good at it. So if you’re waiting until you have full confidence that you’re going to fucking smash it in tennis to start…I have bad news. That’s not how it works.

Here’s how it works: you pick up the racket. You fucking suck. You allow yourself to be cringe. You probably get hit in the face with a tennis ball a few times.  You miss the ball. Things are going to go out of bounds. (I’ve never played tennis in my life, so forgive any incorrect terms, okay?)

But here’s the thing: the more you keep doing it, even when you suck, , the more you start learning, You’ll learn that you need to move the racket a different way, or you’ll learn to see when the ball is heading your way. And before you know it, you’ve begun to improve. Eventually—probably sooner than you think—you’ll start getting good. And as you keep getting better, you’ll keep building confidence in your ability to play.

So do things scared. Do them scared, and before you know it, you’ll be doing it with full fucking confidence. Because it can never be worse than it is right now. Y

ou will never be newer to tennis than you are right now. You will never have less experience running a business than you do right now. You will never have less experience with dating than you do right now.

It is scary. I’m not going to lie to you. But the faster you do it scared, the faster you’ll stop being scared to do it.

Feelings Are Not Facts

The last tip I have for building confidence (at least for this round) is this: feelings are not facts.

If you listened to every feeling, you’d always be sitting and waiting for something to feel “right.”

Now, this is pretty nuanced, so stick with me here. I am all about listening to your feelings and your intuition. But sometimes  our instincts are not in our best interest—and sometimes we need to stop trusting insecurity as if it’s intuition.

When you go to try something new, it’s scary—so your body might have a somatic response of fuck no.

So you might start telling yourself stories about how you’ll stop feeling this fear. “Oh, when I lose the weight, I’ll put myself out there and start dating. When I feel good about my gym routine, I’ll sign up for a Heels class. When I get better at speaking and not stumbling over my words, I’ll try out public speaking.”

Guess what happens then? You end up waiting forever.

The only way you’re going to move through that is to exercise courage and to actually do the thing.  Because until you do the thing, you can’t prove to your body that there’s nothing to go into “fuck no” mode about.

If You Want Support With Building Confidence…

If you’re ready to commit to building confidence, but you’re really desiring that extra level of support + someone to kick your ass (lovingly) through this process…Main Character Energy, my signature confidence course, is open for enrollment right now.

This is not just a course, honestly—it’s a confidence motherfucking bootcamp. You will not be the same person going out that you were coming in. I can promise you that.

You can find the link to enroll + get all the juicy details below. I will see you there.

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY, a 6-week course on becoming the main character of your life and stepping into delusional confidence: https://michellepanning.com/main-character-energy

Are you a woman with all the knowledge, but none of the embodiment? Are you ready to remember who TF you are? Then you need to sign up for ALCHEMY – THE RETREAT: https://michellepanning.my.canva.site/alchemy 

Join The Connected Woman EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman-experience

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

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