Recently I was going through the questions you guys slide into my DMs- keep doing that by the way, I’m here for it. But I came across a query from one of you and figured this would be as good a place as any to address it. So. The question was, how she could build chemistry and passion with a man she was seeing, who leaned more towards feminine energy while she was more masculine in terms of vibes. The relationship was great, there was attraction, he treats her like a queen, but sometimes even a queen wants to get pushed up against a wall and Frenched, amiright? 

Masculine vs Feminine 

Like any good scientists, sexual or otherwise, we first have to determine what it is we’re working with. So, let’s define the traits of masculine and feminine energies. Masculine is outward, its purpose, drive, ambition, penetrative, ready to lead and be received. The feminine is internal; it’s our connections with our emotions, feelings, intuition, desires, and it’s guided and receptive.   

Please note, this is NOT me saying as a woman or to vibe with female energy you need to submit to a man. Yuck, hell no. In fact, we have both these energies within us, and they both complement each other; ideally in a relationship with another person, you’d strive for this balance as well. This is what builds chemistry; it’s the push and pull between the masculine and the feminine. 

Spoiler, You Can’t Make Him Be Anything, Sorry: The Bottomline

Ok, so back to the OG question, how to make your man more masculine? Ya can’t, because you know, you don’t control other people. And that shouldn’t be your aim. Instead, maybe examine why he’s taking the more feminine role in the relationship. Look, it’s probably no secret that the world we live in is set up for crusty old dudes. This means that to be of the world, we’re all out here doing our best to present ourselves aligned with our masculine energies. The problem is when that’s all you become- then, of course he’s going to take a backseat, you never let him drive.

It can be as simple as asking him to open the proverbial pickle jar…even if it’s actually not that tight and you can open it yourself. Just helping him step into that biological back in the day, caveman role of provider, can snap him back into a more masculine place. Or literally, put him in the driver seat- tell him you want to go on a date next week, and suggest he plan it all and see what happens.

This also means you’re going to have to let go of your visions of everything being perfect all the time. He’s going to screw up or get it wrong, or think that a local screamo concert is a good date (it’s not), but the point is, he tried and he got to take the lead. He got to plan something for the 2 of you to do because he cares.

Also, you have to be ok with the fact that he cares. And if you’re not, get your ass to Connected Woman, because that’s a whole other issue, but you don’t get to be mad if you haven’t sorted out your shit and can’t accept his devotion. That’s on you sister, friend. 

Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.

And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!

See you back here in the next one!