Beware the Pitfalls of Romanticism

Ok, I love a good OG Disney princess movie as much as the next girl, but IMO Walt kind of did us dirty- now as a collective we all think real true love is going to look like a dude sweeping in to save us, and we’ll never feel doubt or fear (or annoyance) again. Wedding, and scene, roll credits, happily ever after, blah blah blah.

Fast forward 20 years or so, and cut to DMs and an email account full of women questioning if they’re truly “in love” since they aren’t constantly 100% in love and content with their current partner. He doesn’t read their mind, take care of absolutely every problem they have, but also the relationship isn’t passionate and there’s no fire like in that bodice ripper they’re currently reading, so it can’t be real love right?

I’m sorry, but doesn’t that whole deal sound exhausting? I can’t commit to eating the leftovers in my fridge the next day, but you think you need to be head over heels for your partner 24/7, and he should be sweet and caring and a mind reader but also bring the fire and passion? Sorry I gotta go nap.

Romanticism was something that popped up back in the day that gave us poets like Lord Byron and John Keats, and damn them because now we’re all walking around here wondering why our boyfriend isn’t out here spouting sonnets while weaving flowers in our hair. (Just a general PSA they might have written about it well, but all those Romantic writers were straight up insane- Byron in particular was bananas and he wouldn’t have known a healthy relationship if it bit him in the ass).

There’s a reason their poetry was a best-seller: even then it was fictional. Because you can bet Mary Prudence whatever had the same problems you do today- her husband never put his socks in the hamper, he left food in the sink, forgot their anniversary, only he did all of this without the invention of plumbing. Yeah, you got it pretty good, huh?

Flawed is Normal: The Bottomline

The truth of the matter is, there is no such thing as perfect: he’s not perfect but neither are you. You both have weird hang-ups and quirks and flaws. You’re both going to annoy the ever-loving shit out of one another from time to time. You’re going to fight. You’re going to disagree.  Maybe he’s not sensitive like the lead singer from your favorite band, but I can guarantee you that if you started dating said lead singer (*cough* Chris Martin *cough) he’d eventually annoy you too. There’d be TOO much talking about feelings or maybe he forgets to flush or whatever. I don’t know. The point is, even if you move on like you think you need to because your boyfriend is kind and smart and you love him but he doesn’t anticipate your every need like a book or movie boyfriend would, whoever you move on to would eventually annoy you too. 

The common theme here is that we are all inherently flawed. You’re never going to get 100% of your needs met by one person (hello, why we have friends) and the expectation that you need to cut and run is harmful and dumb. Also the idea that with the right person you’ll love their flaws is dumb; sorry I can love you without loving the fact you clip your toenails in bed, you bridgetroll. Love you.

The main point being, if you feel safe, heard, seen, emotionally and sexually fullfillfed- if you love him, don’t go looking for trouble where there is none. Your relationship is normal. It’s the world’s expectations that aren’t. 

Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.

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See you back here in the next one!