This one’s for all my ladies who feel like all they attract is men of the emotionally unavailable kind…girl I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you’re the problem. No, keep reading, just hear me out; like peanut butter cups and bad romance novels, bad boys are kind of addictive. It’s why the second he starts to show interest you feel smothered and sprint your cute butt right outta there to find you a man who will have you stress eating by your phone all night. 

Why, tho?

Reasons We <3 Bad Boys

Well, first off they require nothing; we know the stakes are very low. It’s like relationship lite- we get some companionship and perhaps some intimacy, but he won’t share feelings and he hates yours, so there’s no real risk. No one is being emotionally vulnerable, which can be relieving but very much at the expense of a fulfilling relationship. 

Also, you kinda love the dynamic of it, don’t lie. Come on, that push/pull, the thrill of the chase, you’ve never felt more alive than when you’re leaving your 12th enraged voicemail to your friends about him not calling you back. This is probably because your poor nervous system has been shaped (and abused) from dynamics with your parents, and you’re recreating that pattern since that’s how you learned to establish relationships with people.

There’s also something to be said about breaking old patterns, namely how it can feel really scary to just accept love when you’re so used to fighting for it/the other person’s constant withholding. 

It also doesn’t help that every movie, tv program, or song out there reinforces the stereotype that love should be hard. “Love is a Battlefield”? Pat Benatar, who hurt you?

Ultimately He Hurts You, But You Also Hurt Yourself: The Bottomline

I’m just going to put it bluntly; he will never realize how amazing you are. His eyes will always be blind to the fact that you are beautiful and wonderful and so worthy of his love; they just will. And in waiting for the bad boy to fall for you, you’re silently reaffirming every horrible thing you think about yourself. The entire affair entrenches you further and further into the mentality that you’re unlovable and lacking, which sucks but feels familiar so you go with it. 

Stop. It doesn’t have to be this way. Join Connected Woman now, and learn how dating doesn’t have to be a constant struggle. Because you deserve someone who knows they’re lucky to have you. He’s out there, but you have to believe you deserve to find him. 

Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.

And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!

See you back here in the next one!