We spend so much time identifying and dissecting warning signs in dating, it can feel hopeless. How would we even know if a guy is decent and datable? Would we recognize the signs? Well, lucky for you dear listener, I present the 12 green flags that will help you along your quest of finding out if he’s worth your time. Let’s begin:
I mean, first and foremost they treat you respectfully, that’s a given. BUT, make sure that while you’re observing how he treats you, you also pay attention to the way he treats those he doesn’t know; that’s the most telling. Is he screeching at the waiter when the wait for the table is long? Does a stressful situation send him into a swear-filled tailspin? If he’s considerate and kind to those he doesn’t know, especially if they’re providing him a service, this is a good sign.
The next green flag ensures he knows the line between expressing interest and love-bombing/creepy clinging, and he walks that line. He is consistent in communication, and nothing feels calculated, or game-like. He’s not leaving you on read, “accidentally” texting you “thinking you’re someone else” to try and impress you or make you jealous. He calls when he says he’s going to, and if he’s feeling it, he isn’t afraid to express that.
Again, he’s going to be upfront about his feelings for you, and where he sees the relationship going. I’ll never understand the tendency to try and remain aloof- isn’t the point of dating the exact opposite of being detached? If his intention is to always seem “cool” or maintain the upper hand, he’s not worth your time. But if he isn’t afraid to be mature and upfront with you about his feelings, he’s probably worth keeping around.
Not a ghost in sight! If he has a business trip for the next week, he’s going to communicate that to you before you’re texting him to make plans, only to discover he’s 3 states away. It also means he checks in and wants to know your schedule, so he can plan around it and accommodate the things you have going on.
No more playing with gaslighters. Your green flag guy hears you, even when things are tense. Together you learn to fight “well” with each other; with respect and self-awareness. They’re always willing to hear you out, and fights are less about “winning” and more about adjusting perspectives and helping the other person be better.
So is this the most critical green flag? No, but it IS important. You may have to give this one a few dates to see if it blooms, but honestly, it’s not like he can do anything about it if it’s just not there for you. No harm no foul, just make sure to cut him loose as soon as you know definitively that the lack of chemistry is there to stay.
Not only does he work to understand what you need, but he’s willing to take that information and discern if he’s going to be able to meet them. Wow, self-awareness is his superpower. This also means that his needs do not supersede yours; both of your thoughts, feelings, and needs are valid, and he works at making sure you’re both emotionally satisfied.
They go out of their way to invite you to events with their family and friends. There is no hiding you, or sneaking around. In fact, I’d go so far as to say they’re excited to introduce you to their people, since they’re proud of you and that they get to date you. Yay!
They have cultivated their own rich life, and encourage you to do the same (if you haven’t already done so). You are both important to each other, but you’re not the center of the others’ world. If one or both of you needs space, this isn’t a cause for alarm, because you’re both secure as people, and with the fact that if there was a problem, you would be able to communicate about it effectively. You both value connection but not at the expense of autonomy.
They understand that no means no and there are certain things that are non-negotiable for you in life. Not only do they understand and respect that fact, but they can do so without necessarily understanding WHY something may be a hard pass for you.
Your partner should be your biggest supporter and go out of their way to understand your goals and dreams as well as your triggers. They should then do their best to encourage you and do what they can to help you succeed while perhaps helping you avoid things you may not love handling.
Lastly, green flag guy does what he says he’s going to do, when he says he’s going to do it. He acts with integrity and is a man of his word. He doesn’t let you down, and you trust him at his word.
These 12 green flags form the minimum you should be seeking in a potential partner. Make sure that you are upholding these standards as well. As long as you too strive to uphold these values, your relationship will flourish as a mature, equitable, and mutual source of loving safety.
Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
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See you back here in the next one!
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”