Ironically, I’ve been thinking a lot about thoughts. Specifically the power we give them over us and over situations in our lives. Don’t get me wrong, honoring your feelings is important, but when your thoughts demand you spiral out and assign meaning to things that aren’t true, it’s easy to get bowled over by them- and half the time they aren’t even true.

What Are You Talking About?

Great question. For example, say you went out on a fabulous date, things went well and you’re pretty sure you’re soulmates. So then why hasn’t he called? Does he hate you? He probably hates you, since everything you’ve ever said is dumb and you’re going to die alone.

Sound familiar? Here’s the thing, none of that is true. Situations are comprised of facts and the fact is that he hasn’t called, and you can just calm the fuck down with all the rest of it, captain panic. Does it have to be the end all be all, black and white catastrophe you’re coming up with in your head? Or can you maybe stop plotting names for 30 cats, take a breath and remember that just because you feel something, doesn’t make it true. There are a million and one reasons why he might not have called. Maybe he died, really, it could happen. Or maybe the “worst” is true and he just didn’t feel the connection you felt (I mean rationally I feel like death is the worst-case scenario but you’d probably prefer that, ya freak ). And that’s ok. It means nothing about him or you, and it doesn’t mean that any of the 70 horrible things you’re thinking about yourself are true. 

Get Curious: The Bottomline

I read a quote once that said something like we don’t have control over the first thought that pops in our heads, but we do have control from that point on. So yeah, sorry, but in order for you to have power over your thoughts and not the other way around, you’re going to have to become more aware of the stories you’re telling yourself. This can take work, especially in the beginning.

It starts by remembering that all situations are neutral. Situations are facts. He didn’t call. The rent is due. Andrew Garfield will one day love me (let me have this). These are facts, they are simply what’s happening and feelings have no bearing on whether or not they are true.

This is not to say you’re not allowed to react to things, but maybe take a look at your typical thought patterns and identify if they lead you down the path to fistfuls of shredded cheese at 2 am to fill the void. If the answer is yes it’s time for you to take back control over your racing thoughts and get…curious instead. Approaching things with curiosity allows you to be open to all possibilities without trying to control outcomes. 

It’s also a lot nicer than assuming the very worst things about yourself and/or waking up queasy after a late-night Mozzarella binge. 

Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.

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