What’s your game plan with your emotions? Do you even have one? Do you go radio silent and withdraw, as you clutch tea and stare out the window, preferably at the rain? OR do you enjoy leaning into intense feelings, embracing them as you throw epic tantrums and verbal barbs?
Is there a balance between the two?
There Sure Is
I feel like these days we’ve gone too far in “validating everyone’s experiences”. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for emotional expression, but there is a fine line between expressing yourself and being a brat.
Especially when we first go from suppressing to expressing, it can be hard to find the balance between validating yourself and your emotions and using it as carte blanche to word vomit every feeling that crosses your mind. Sorry, but screeching every fleeting thought and feeling that floats through your head is not actually healthy. You’re not actually processing any emotions, you’re just dumping them on other people.
Own Your Shit
Turns out, much like you’d tell a toddler, just because you have big feelings doesn’t mean you get to throw tantrums about them or burden other people with a constant barrage of drama. Your friends are going to get tired of it, and your boyfriends are going to run for the hills after a while because neither of these groups of people are your parents- stop expecting them to be.
Before you unleash your latest freak out on the people you love, figure out a good way to process your feelings on your own; if you feel like you still need advice, only reach out when you feel ready to present your issues in a way that won’t mentally drain your listeners.
In fact, it would really help the state of relationships to check in the next time you feel the need to emotionally unload. Gauge if your friends or partner has the mental space to absorb your latest problems or concerns, and feel like they can adequately be there for you- you’ll all be better off for it.
Your Feelings are Your Responsibility: The Bottomline
No feeling is ever your fault; they just happen. But you do need to learn to deal with them. To sit with them even if they are uncomfortable, and sort them out sometimes by yourself. Only assholes constantly emotionally dump and require others to constantly pick up the pieces of the feelings they’re trying to push away.
If you don’t want to add “emotional vampire” to your resume, then learning to process at least some of your inner turmoil by yourself, checking in with those you love before you spill your guts, and hey maybe seeing if they have any issues to share, will all go a long way in helping everyone feel heard and seen.
A truly emotionally empowered woman discerns when and what and how to share because she knows that at the end of the day, she’s got this shit. She may turn to others for perspective from time to time, but she doesn’t need to make them feel like overwhelmed shit in order to feel better.
Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!
See you back here in the next one!
Emotional Expression- How to Do it Without Being an Emotional Burden on Everyone Else
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”