What is the “Ick”

You know the feeling; you’ve been on a few dates with this dude and he’s pretty decent. He communicates well and isn’t throwing up red flags with the ferocity of a critical soccer referee (I know, they’re yellow or something but points for knowing even one thing about sportsball). But then…then he goes and does it. He smiles real wide and you notice his snaggletooth for the first time. 

And just like that, it’s relationship over. Next! You can’t be expected to put your tongue in that mouth one day- dear God that tooth would splice it in half!

This, friends is the dreaded ick; the sudden irritating or off-putting thing you randomly notice after things were going so well previously.  I got more information about it, but you’re not gonna like it. Because it’s actually not about him or his teeth or gremlin toenails or any other slightly off-putting things that really shouldn’t be automatic dealbreakers if aside from them you genuinely like the person.

Turn That Pointer Finger Around, Sis

Like most other things, the ick is a reflection of your own self-loathing. Sorry Hector Projector, but this is on you and not his weird laugh that you told your friends was adorable just last week.

This is because you dislike something about yourself, and you’re trying to find stuff to make it easier to cut and run before he finds out you’re actually a pair of rabid raccoons in a trenchcoat aka the metaphorical equivalent of a human woman with avoidant issues.

This is your messed up way to keep yourself safe but blaming everyone else, and avoiding the work it would take to love yourself. Your impossible standards make sure that no one will ever measure up, and it will never be your fault relationships never work out. You always win…at losing- congrats?

Love Yourself and Beware of the Gaslight: The Bottomline

There is hope for you; the entire premise of The Connected Women is learning how to get in tune with yourself as you work on self-love and acceptance. It’s going to take work, but you can sort your shit out and have the relationship you’ve always dreamed of with someone who, despite surface-level flaws, you really dig.

I’d also like to leave you with the reminder that this is not meant to make you gaslight yourself into dating someone you genuinely don’t like or aren’t compatible with. Just remember, intuition won’t make you rag on someone for stupid reasons; it will alert you on a soul level when someone isn’t the right fit. The ick feels more panicked and looks like you convincing yourself to hate someone who you previously were having fun with. Big difference. 

Learn it, trust yourself, and date with compassion for him, and for yourself.

Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.

And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!

See you back here in the next one!