Today, we’re not only going to talk about how to unf*ck your relationships…we’re going to talk about how to unf*ck your relationship with YOURSELF. I’ve invited Chelsea Dickinson, total girlboss and bad bitch extraordinaire, to talk with me about what it looks like to learn how to tame a brat, how to own YOUR inner brat, and how to give her a spanking when it counts.
Michelle: “So, I’d love to start with just like…who are you? What do you do…just letting people in on who Chelsea is.”
Chelsea: “Well, like you were saying, it’s weird. I feel like I’m acclimating to who the fuck I am in the last couple months…Who am I? I don’t fucking know. I’m still figuring it out.”
Well, loves, before we get into learning how to tame a brat, let me tell you exactly who this badass is. Chelsea Dickinson is a self-proclaimed sabotage coach and “entrepreneurial brat tamer” who’s out here “coaching bad bitches to stop sabotaging” (her Instagram bio is my favorite fucking thing EVER; like, as soon as I saw it, I knew she HAD to guest on Unf*ck Your Relationships. I’m obsessed) and today she’s here to help all of us learn a little bit more about getting our inner brat under control. Let’s talk about learning how to tame a brat…even when that brat is you.
The bratty archetype is a totally misunderstood, intensely emotional bitch who can and WILL throw a tantrum when she doesn’t get what she wants. But she’s also playful, naughty, and super sexy if you take the time to really embrace her. If you’ve got an inner brat, that means you like being told no, even if you act like you don’t. What else? It means you’ve probably got a self-sabotaging voice in your head that’s constantly seeking a reason to get the fuck out of whatever situation you’re in…even if it’s a healthy one. ESPECIALLY if it’s a healthy one. So let’s take a look at why you need to buckle down and learn how to tame a brat before she gets totally out of control.
Chelsea: “Part of my story and part of how I wound up “sabotage coaching” is that the man of my dreams…I almost completely sabotaged, because I was like, “He’s fucking boring.” I was so convinced. I was like, “He’s fucking boring. He doesn’t have me question my worth every other week, it’s not these big highs and these like…grandiose, spectacular moments, followed by these huge lows…It was so foreign that I was convinced that this was NOT it.”
If there’s one thing a brat doesn’t like, it’s BORING. A relationship without challenge is BORING. A man who doesn’t say no is BORING. But the problem is that sometimes your brat thinks that HEALTHY equals BORING. Why? Because in the absence of those huge, exhilarating highs and absolutely crushing lows, your nervous system doesn’t have a fucking clue what to do. You’ve been in that cycle for so long that the absence of instability can feel like a lack of other things, too. Passion. Thrill. All the things that Disney taught us about love and romance and the whole shebang. It can feel like learning how to tame a brat will rob you of the excitement in your relationships. But here’s the thing, babe: a healthy relationship isn’t built like a fucking rollercoaster. It’s like driving a car. Going from living on an amusement park ride to puttering down the street is gonna feel slow and boring as hell at first, but the bumps in the road are going to be a whole lot kinder to your poor nervous system than a plunge from the fucking sky.
No matter how thrilling it might be, it’s not good for you to live on a rollercoaster. You have to get off sometime, but your brat probably isn’t going to be happy about it. That’s why you need to learn how to tame a brat, even when you’re a brat yourself: because your inner brat is the bitch who’s going to do her absolute best to sabotage what might actually be the best relationship you’ve ever been in.
Chelsea: “Not rejecting my brat has been one of the biggest transformations in my experience with her, if that answers the question.”
Michelle: “100%. And that’s the main purpose of this podcast…yes, unf*ck your relationships, but mostly it’s like, unf*ck the relationship you have with yourself…for me, to love yourself is to accept every part of yourself.”
Learning how to tame a brat is one thing. Learning how to tame a brat that lives inside you? That’s a whole other shitstorm, babe. But the biggest thing you need to remember is this: part of taming your brat is learning how to OWN your brat. To make space for her to do her bratty thing. To not be afraid to express your bratty side when you need to. Because shoving your brat in a cage and throwing away the key isn’t going to stop her from escaping. She’s a slippery bitch, and she’s going to find her way out whether you want her to or not. So how do you get her under control without throwing her away?
Chelsea: “The less you reject your brat, the less destructive she is.”
By owning your brat, you make her feel seen.
By owning your brat, you can own the sexy, fun, naughty side of her.
By owning your brat, you take one step closer to unraveling a side of you that you might have been ashamed of before.
I didn’t want to do the work to learn how to tame a brat. My brat was very much wrapped up in shadow. I had a lot of shame surrounding her. I viewed her as EXTREMELY destructive. She was moody, she was wild, she went fucking nuts when she didn’t get what she wanted…I didn’t want to accept her as part of me. But once I started owning up to her and letting her take up space…when I started TELLING my partners that I needed space held for my brat…she became so much more than I ever thought she could be. Chelsea put it perfectly when she said, “When I started talking about it, and when I started sharing about wanting to sabotage, and wanting to create drama, I kind of neutralized my relationship to (my brat)…It was kind of like that reel that goes like, ‘You and me, let’s form an alliance…’ and that’s what it’s like with my brat.”
Forming an alliance with your brat? That’s how you get the best out of her. But how do you pull that off? How does learning how to tame a brat involve learning to ACCEPT that brat?
Try a little reverse psychology. Instead of asking “What the fuck is wrong with me?” when your brat comes out, try a little of this:
“I fucking LOVE that I’m a crazy bitch!”
“I LOVE that I pick fights with my partner for no reason!”
Etc, etc, etc.
By really getting your body into it, by owning even the shadowy parts of you you’re ashamed of, you create instant alchemy. Rocking every single piece of you is fucking sexy, and there’s no reason to lock it away. Ally with your brat, and she’ll start giving you all the absolutely tantalizing GIFTS that she can give you. By learning how to tame a brat, you’re actually learning how to turn her into her best self.
I’m so fucking happy that Chelsea and I got to talk this out together, and now you know how to tame a brat that you may have been doing your best to ignore. You can’t hide her, babes—you have to learn to work with her. She’s not going away. It’s time to grow a fucking spine, figure out how to tame a brat, and form an alliance with the parts of you that scare you a bit. Otherwise, you’re just going to keep falling into a pattern of self-sabotage…and that’s not where you want to be.
Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with Chelsea on Instagram to keep learning about how to escape the self-sabotage cycle.
And don’t forget to connect with me more over on Instagram, too! I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were. Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!
Or maybe you want some one-on-one action? Try out The Intimate Woman for some private coaching realness: https://michellepanning.com/the-intimate-woman if you’re ready to go deep. Go hard. And dive into creating the life you’ve always wanted, with me by your side with calls, motivations, and most importantly, calls on your bullshit. Stop getting in your own way, and let’s do this.
See you back here in the next one!
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”