Hello, my loves. Today, we’re going to be talking about how to be the most confident bitch in 2024…and the shit that you’re going to need to let go of in order to do that.
I would say that I am a pretty confident person. I mean, I have my moments of self-doubt. I’m still human. But then I remember who the fuck I am, and I’m like, “Oh yeah, you’re Michelle Panning. You’re a confident motherfucker.” And I want you to have that kind of confidence, too.
Everyone wants to be confident. But not everyone is willing to do the things required to get there, and honestly…it’s just like most things.
Everyone wants the fit body; no one wants to eat healthy and go to the gym. Everyone wants a successful business where they’re making seven figures, eight figures, nine figures; people don’t usually want to do the work to get there. Everyone wants the conscious relationship; but as soon as conflict comes up, they’re like, “This can’t be the relationship for me.”
Just like all of those things, there are things that you’re going to have to do in order to start building confidence, and there are things that you’re going to have to stop doing in order to start building confidence.
For today, I want to talk about the things that you’re going to need to let go of if you want to make 2024 your bitch.
The first piece of building confidence: stop diluting what you have to say.
I think you guys know by now that I do not dilute what I have to say, but I’m going to be very transparent with you: last year, I wobbled in that.
It wasn’t necessarily that I didn’t want to upset people. But coming from a background with a trauma lens, I didn’t want to traumatize people. So I actually began to overly take on responsibility for people’s results in friendships, in client relationships, and in a lot of different spaces.
That was something that I clocked and very quickly cleaned up, and it’s now been about a year of absolutely not diluting what I have to say—in fact, I’m even dialing up even more.
This is one of the things that really hinder people’s confidence. They are putting more of a weight on how other people perceive them than how they actually perceive themselves; that means you care more about what other people think about you than what you think about you, and that’s just a fucking recipe for disaster.
If you’re constantly thinking, “How is this going to land for them? Are they going to be able to handle it? Are they going to think I’m a nice person? Are they going to think I’m rude? Are they going to think I’m arrogant?” then…you’re just not going to get very far. I say that with so much love, but it’s true. So we have to stop diluting ourselves like that.
The next piece of building confidence is getting rid of this idea that confidence comes from your looks.
Listen, I love being a hot bitch. I do. I love being a hot bitch. I love doing my makeup. I love having beautiful hair. I love wearing nice clothes. I really take pride in my appearance, and I think that’s a beautiful thing. I don’t think that’s vain. But I think that people have this misconception that you can only be confident when you look good, and that’s not fucking true.
Like, if you’re saying you’re not confident because “You can only be confident if you’re pretty,” what a fucking cop-out. What a fucking cop-out.
Let’s talk about this. Firstly, if you struggle with building confidence because you think you don’t look good…is there actually some truth to it? Is there some validity to the idea that you could actually take more pride in your appearance?
I’m just saying. Do you actually want to get out of your sweatpants and take a shower and brush your hair and put a little bit of makeup on, then try again?
I’m not saying you need to do a fucking Dyson blowout and put a full face of makeup on every day to work on building confidence, but like…maybe try putting on track pants that don’t have stains on them?
I’m not even saying you can’t wear trackies. I fucking love trackies. I feel sexy in trackies. But I also do other things to maintain my appearance.
So one, could you take more pride in your appearance? And then two, I want you to look at where you’re just using that excuse as a fucking cop-out so you don’t have to look at all the other places where you’re insecure.
“Only pretty girls can be confident.” Seriously? That is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard, and you need to let that go.
That brings me to the next part of building confidence, which is this: if you want to succeed in building confidence in 2024, you’re going to need to let go of projecting onto confident people.
Let that land. You’re going to need to let go of projecting onto confident people.
If you’re looking at a confident, successful person and going, “She’s so full of herself. She’s arrogant. My god, look at her. She’s taking up so much space. She doesn’t care about people. She’s lost her heart,” then I’m talking to you.
If you’re projecting onto someone and saying that they’re arrogant, they’re egotistical, they’re full of themselves, they’re whatever, there could be truth to that. I’m not denying that. There are a lot of arrogant people out there. But the fact that you feel such a charge around it says a lot more about you than it does about them.
So stop projecting your insecurities onto people that actually are confident and actually make moves in their lives. Whatever it is that you desire that somebody else has, stop projecting your insecurities because you don’t have that yet. Instead, take it as proof that it’s possible, do the work required to get there, and you can have it too.
The next piece of building confidence is letting go of imposter syndrome.
Now, here’s a hot take: there might be truth to your imposter syndrome.
For example, back in the day when I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing with course creation, I was like, “I don’t think this is very good.” And the coaches that I had at the time, bless them, I love them, they would say, “It is, you just have to believe!” But I was like, “No, I actually feel like this just isn’t good.”
And you know what? There was truth to it. It was good for where I was at, but I knew I could do better, and I was actually just being lazy with content creation.
So if you’re feeling imposter syndrome and that’s blocking you from building confidence, firstly, there could be deeper shit going on. But secondly, could you actually just clean up any incongruencies that would potentially make you feel like an imposter?
When you start to clean up incongruencies, you can actually start to feel confident about what you’re doing. If you’re saying, “Oh, I just don’t have good friendships,” or “I don’t feel like I’m being the best friend that I can,” and you’re gossiping about other people…you’re right, you’re not a very good friend. So clean that up.
The next thing that you need to let go of is doing the most to avoid competition.
Avoiding competition isn’t helping you with building confidence. Because if you’ve been building confidence, and your little confidence block tower is so fragile that it’s going to get kicked over by a little competition, you haven’t actually done a great job of building confidence.
Now, a year ago, I would have said that playing into competition is cock-blocking you from being confident. I’m going to change my tune on that a little bit; and this is where we get to evolve, right? We get to hold ourselves in our evolution and our growth. We get to change our mind and our perspectives on things. It’s called growth, guys.
Now, I actually think that competition can fuel us to become more confident, because competition can show us where we’re actually not performing to the best of our ability.
Not from a space of “I’m not good enough, and I’ll never be good enough,” blah blah blah. Instead, it can give us perspective on where we can actually improve.
The next thing we’re getting rid of to support ourselves in building confidence? Bonding over your problems with other people.
I love you, and I support you…and you need to cut that shit out.
It is something women do all the time. Stop bonding over how hard your life is.
(Caveat: there is a difference between going through hard times and needing to rant. I’m all for a conscious rant. Sometimes we need to get it out, and you get five minutes, and that’s enough.)
What we’re not doing, however, is this “Oh, work’s been so hard. I’m so busy.” “Oh my God. Me too. I know, it’s so hard.” And then next thing you know, you’re six fucking bottles of wine deep, just complaining about your lives.
How is that productive? Do you walk away from that situation feeling confident and energized? I think not. I think you leave feeling drained. So stop bonding over your problems.
Another way to work on building confidence? Stop using self-deprecating humor.
It’s really not cute. It’s not the vibe, it’s not a look, it’s not a mood. It just isn’t.
As women, this has been deeply ingrained in us. We’ll push away compliments because when someone says something kind, we don’t know how else to connect with them, so we put ourselves down so they can validate us.
This is actually so attention-seeking. You think that you’re taking the spotlight off of you by putting yourself down, but all you’re doing is keeping the spotlight on you, because unconsciously, you’re desperately seeking validation.
Tell me it’s not true. You know they’re not going to agree with you, or you wouldn’t say it.
A lot of people have circumstantial confidence, where they’re confident until they’re around this one person, and then they’re not. They’re confident talking to men, until they find someone really attractive, and then they’re not. They’re confident in their business and their ability to hold clients, until they have a high-level client who’s asking really challenging questions, and then they’re not.
So if you want to start building confidence that is truly uncircumstantial—if you want to strengthen your ability to hold your confidence no matter what—then you need to get into my program Main Character Energy. We’re going to be crafting that radical confidence I want you to live with in 2024.
That’s not the only program I’ve got going for building confidence, either…because once you become a delusionally confident b*tch, the people around you are going to start projecting like crazy. And coming from someone who’s been there, it’s not always an easy thing to hold.
But becoming the most confident b*tch in the room is soooo fucking worth it.
So if you’re ready to truly make 2024 your bitch, sign up for the SAVAGE masterclass! The links are all right here for you. I will see you there.
Join MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY, a 6-week course on becoming the main character of your life and stepping into delusional confidence: https://michellepanning.com/main-character-energy
Sign up for SAVAGE, a masterclass all about navigating projections and being the most confident b*itch in the room: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/savage/
Get instant access to SHADOW HUNTER, a FREE 3-day event all about WTF shadow work actually is, how to do it, and how it’s going to completely change the way you do relationships forever: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/shadow-hunter/
Join The Connected Woman EXPERIENCE: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman-experience
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”