Today’s conversation is inspired by a chat that I had with one of my clients.

She asked me a really interesting question: “What does it feel like to make the amount of money that you make?”

For reference, because we chat numbers here, I make roughly 50K a month on average. Sometimes I have 40K months, sometimes I have 60K months. My highest was 80K+.

So that’s about what I’m averaging. And if that triggers you already, hey—that’s so perfect. Just let that be okay.

I’m not blind to the fact that with 50K a month, I make more than some people’s annual salary in a month. When I was working in real estate, I was making 35K a year or something like that, so I’m not blind to the fact that it’s incredible money. But when she asked me what that felt like, I told her the truth…

It feels completely neutral.

Chasing the Rabbit

Now, you might be like, “But you’re making $50,000 in 30-odd days. What the fuck? How can you say that that 50K a month feels neutral?”

Here’s why this might feel mind-blowing to you: when most people desire money, it’s often because they are chasing a feeling…and that feeling isn’t “neutrality.”

“When I make 50K a month, then I will feel a sense of safety.”

“When I make 50K a month, I will feel happy.”

“When I make 50K a month, I will feel like I’m taken care of.”

OR…they’re running away from a feeling.

“Once I make 50K a month, I won’t ever feel scarcity again.”

“Once I make 50K a month, I won’t ever feel lack again.”

When we want more money, it’s because we’re either chasing a feeling or trying to get away from a particular feeling. But here’s the thing…

You need to experience something’s opposite before you can experience that thing in truth.

How would you ever know love if you had never known fear? How will you ever know abundance if you never know lack or scarcity? How could we ever know light if we never know darkness?

If it was daytime all day, every day, forever, and all you knew from the day you were born until the day you died was daylight, you would never know nighttime, because you would never have experienced that. So you wouldn’t even know you were experiencing light, because you’d never experienced anything that wasn’t light. For light to exist, it needs to have an opposite.

We live in a very dualistic world; we are constantly experiencing duality. So in order for us to experience the abundance, the freedom, and the relaxation vibes we desire, we need to experience their opposites.

Shadow Work and Money

I’ve said this before, but you can’t expect all the negative things in your life to just vanish once you have money.

If you are making 5K months, and you’re freaking out over little things, feeling all your scarcities coming up, and experiencing a sense of not-enoughness…what makes you think that’s going to go away when you make 50k a month?

In reality, those feelings are actually going to be intensified.

You think that once you make 50K a month (or whatever your number is), you’ll never have to feel those things again. But that’s not true.

This is why shadow work when it comes to money is so important, because you get to deal with those shadows early on.

If you can’t deal with your scarcity when you’re making 5K a month, you’re not going to deal with it making 50K a month, I’ll tell you that right now.

Having more money amplifies who you already are. So you can imagine that if you are carrying all these shadows around lack, scarcity, not-enoughness, etc. when you’re making 5K a month, making 50K a month is only going to intensify that.

People think that making 50K a month will do the opposite; that once they have more money sitting in their bank account, they’re going to feel better. But actually, you then start to feel anxious that it’s all going to go away.

You start to feel like it’s never enough. You start to make investments into things that you aren’t actually aligned…or you start to hoard it, because you’re afraid that the flow will stop coming in. You’re playing out the same patterns that were happening when you were making less money, but they play out at a higher level.

New Level, Same Devil

People like to use the saying, “New level, new devil.” But I don’t believe that; I think it’s “New level, same devil.”

When you start making 50K a month, you’re not encountering new challenges as you rise to a new level; you’re actually meeting the same insecurities, but they’ve leveled up right alongside you.

If you don’t deal with your insecurities at the core, then you’re actually going to meet them on an intensified level when you have more money.

That’s what happens when we’re running away from a feeling. But when we’re chasing a feeling, we think that having more in our bank accounts will give us a sense of self. Or, with our shadows playing out, it might make us feel like we are superior to others if we have more money.

Happiness Exists Within You

The truth is, money will not do either of these things.

At the end of the day, the reason that we want more money (whether that’s 5K a month or 50K a month or 500K a month) is because we think it’s going to bring us happiness. 

Maybe you think that building wealth for your children and leaving them a healthy chunk of money when you pass on is going to give you a sense of fulfillment. Maybe you think that being able to revamp your wardrobe is going to make you feel happy. Maybe you think that investing in something is going to make you feel happy. Maybe you think that being charitable and giving money away is going to make you feel happy.

There is probably truth to all of those things. They probably will make you happy.  But what I’m saying is that you can tap into that energy now; you don’t have to wait for the money.

Happiness does not exist outside of you. Something outside of you might trigger it, but the feeling that you have is within yourself. It’s within your vessel. You have access to that all the time.

If you listen to manifestation coaches, the whole idea is very much about being in the frequency of joy.

Being in a frequency of joy attracts money. It attracts the things that you desire.

However, I have a little bit of a different spin on this, because people can take that and then twist that and be like,  “Oh my God, I have to be happy 24/7. I cannot get angry. I cannot be in grief. If I’m going through a breakup, then I am blocking my flow of money. If I am sick or I feel like shit or I’m just in a fucking mood, then I’m blocking my flow of money.”

That does not feel like a belief that I want to carry, because the idea that I can’t have a “negative feeling” without halting the flow of money feels very heavy to me.

I believe money can flow in all the time. When I’m sleeping, when I’m feeling shitty, when I’m moody, when I’m  tired, when I’m hungry, when I’m hangry, when I’m having an orgasm, when I’m happy…it could come in while I’m taking a fucking shit. Honestly, it truly it can.

We can have our feelings without blocking our flow. But we don’t have to swim in those feelings. You can feel your feelings, but you don’t have to get stuck in them.

Money gets to come in however it gets to come in. And you don’t have to wait for it to do so before you can tap into the feeling of abundance.

I know that sounds so ridiculous; I used to think that too. I’d be like, “Okay, but actually look at my bank account. Fuck you for telling me to just just tap into the feelings of abundance.”

But here’s what I mean: if you can, go outside and look at the trees. Try to count all the leaves on it. Start to try to count all the grains of sand on a beach. When you start to do things like that, you’ll start to notice how much abundance exists everywhere.

We think abundance is just money in our bank account. But when you notice how much abundance is actually around you, you’ll start to actually feel those feelings, which is amazing.

Anything Can Be Normal

So coming back to this question, making that amount of money feels neutral to me, because I’ve normalized it in my world. I’m not using it to chase or escape anything, so when it comes in, it just…does.

Anything that we do repetitively becomes the norm. So while I’m grateful and I’m appreciative to be able to do that, it’s not overly exciting to me.  It just gets to be perfect. And when you normalize it that way, you get to hold the duality of feeling that gratitude and appreciation while  also feeling neutral and grounded about it.

Chasing excitement can be a very dangerous place to be. Instead,  of, it always needs to be exciting. And I always need to be lit up and, Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God. Like at some point it just becomes the norm and it becomes neutral. It just feels…right.

There’s a feeling you get when you just know that you are meant for something, and when you achieve it, it’s not that you’re ungrateful. It’s just that you knew that it would happen. You didn’t know how, but you knew that you would get there.

So let’s not chase happiness or flee scarcity through money—let’s tap into abundance where we are, and let money flow in as it will.

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