As I was thinking about what I wanted to share today, I found myself scrolling back through my Instagram. (Sometimes I like to go through my own content to get inspiration.)

So I went through my posts, and one of the posts that I went through was talking about our fear of failure and our issues with superiority. Here’s what that post had to say…

Superiority Cock-Blocks Success

When I came across this post, the caption said, “Your need to always feel superior is cock-blocking your evolution.”

I’ll say that again: your need to always feel superior is cock-blocking your evolution.

Let’s break that down.

Everyone always consciously wants something. You want the relationship of your dreams,

or you want a business where clients are just coming to you effortlessly, or maybe you want to make a certain amount of money…and the thing is, whatever it is that you want, it gets to be your life.

All of those things are available to you. I’ll tell you that right now for free. There is no difference between me and you. There’s no difference between the girl that you pedestal on Instagram and you. There’s no difference between celebrities and you.

Scratch that—there is one difference.

The difference is that all those people were willing to look like a fucking idiot first to get to where they wanted to be. They weren’t afraid of being cringe.

And yes…that includes me.

Cringe is Key

I recently saw an influencer get asked about the most embarrassing thing they’ve ever experienced, and they said that the most embarrassing thing is having to act like an influencer before you actually become an influencer.

This is one of the truest fucking things I’ve ever heard.

Let’s say you want to start a podcast, but you’re sitting there thinking, “Michelle’s podcast has over a million downloads. How would I ever get to that place?”

Here’s how: I didn’t start out with a million downloads. There was a time in the beginning where hardly anybody was listening. I didn’t start out with thousands of Instagram followers; there was a time where I had 300 followers, and they were my fucking high school friends, my family, and people that I hadn’t talked to in years.

And by the way, I wasn’t posting anything mind-blowing. I was posting inspirational quotes like “You are enough.” And then the caption would be like, “If you dream it and believe it, you can have it.”

Talk about being cringe, right? But this is the thing: no one is willing to fucking try being cringe first. They just see the finished product, and that’s what they want…never mind the work it took to get there.

They see someone who has the money that they want, the relationship that they want, the body that they want, etcetera, but they don’t see that person being cringe before that.

They don’t see that person struggling in the gym and not knowing how to fucking work a machine. They don’t see the person launching an offer and nobody signing up. You don’t see the multiple dates that people go on that are subpar, that are just shit, that are awkward, whatever. You just see that finished product and think you can have it from the start without ever being cringe.

Not how it works, my loves.

Be Willing to Embrace Foundational Failures

This avoidance toward being cringe is where I see people shoot themselves in the foot, because they’re not willing to suck at something. They’re not willing to put themselves out there because they’re so wrapped up in everyone else’s opinion of them, and if someone else sees them being cringe, what might they think?

Listen…I’m all for delusional confidence. But there’s a difference between delusional confidence—which says you can accomplish anything—and straight-up fucking delusion, which says you can accomplish anything without actually working for it.

You’re not going to go to the gym one time and lose twenty kilos. That’s not how that fucking works. You’re not going to go the gym and automatically understand how to use every machine. Someone is going to see you being cringe…and that’s okay.

This aversion to being cringe is why people get sucked in to quick-fix things like juice cleanses or water fasts or whatever (not that you can’t do these things, but let’s call them what they are), and then they end up disappointed, because they want the instant payoff. They want to have the outcome without having to do the journey, and that is never going to get you anywhere.

I’m all for ease and flow and feminine leadership and all of the things, but you also have to fucking show up…and being cringe is part of that. You have to be willing to build a foundation of “failures” to get to success. The offer no one buys will teach you lessons about how to build the offer that sells out in thirty seconds. The date that goes terribly will teach you what to avoid on the date that blows your mind.

Here’s an example of willingly being cringe: I don’t think I’ve ever deleted a post.

I’ve deleted some where there were major spelling errors to the point that the post just didn’t make sense, but I just corrected it and then re-uploaded the post. I’ve never deleted a post because I’ve been like, “Ooh, that was cringe.”

Actually, do yourself a favor. Go scroll back to the beginning of my Instagram. You’ll see it: your girl’s grown.

But being cringe wasn’t off the table for me. I was willing to get on Facebook lives. I was willing to do Instagram lives. I was doing fucking sales calls. I was cold-calling. I was willing to do the things that nobody else wanted to fucking do.

So, have I done podcast episodes where I ended up going, “I didn’t love that” after it was done? Yeah. Have I put out posts where I looked back and thought they weren’t my best work? Yes. Have I gone on dates where I ended up being cringe? Yes. Have I said things that I’m not proud of? Yes.

But I’m willing to be cringe. I’m willing to show myself changing my mind and growing and learning new things.

Being Cringe is a Fucking GREAT Teacher

No one ever got anywhere by being amazing from the beginning, because when you’re amazing from the beginning, you don’t learn anything.

You learn by being shit, being cringe, realizing you don’t want to do that again, and changing what you need to change to make that happen.

You learn through turbulence. You learn through adversity. You learn through challenge, and you’re going to meet that if you want to attract big amounts of money, the love of your life, the business you want, etc.

This is why, when my clients are experiencing hardship, I always say, “Cool. You’re just getting clearer and clearer on what you don’t want.” And we get clear on that by experiencing contrast.

Excellence is a skill. With anything that you want to be good at, it is learned through actually doing it.

Let me be cheeky for a sec…take a blow job, for example. You could take a course on blowjobs, you could read books on blowjobs, but if you don’t actually put a dick in your mouth, you’re not going to get better at it. And it doesn’t have to be a dick—you could do a dildo if you want to, but I would recommend a dick, because it has a human attached to it, and he’ll be able to give you feedback. And failure is our biggest form of feedback, you know?

Before I wrap up, I just want to add…it’s not bad or wrong to have insecurities. I’m not saying you have to enjoy being cringe. It’s just not great when you fall victim to those insecurities and make them an excuse as to why you can’t have the thing that you want or do the thing that you want to do.

Everyone has insecurities. You’re not fucking special in that. But you can choose to fall victim to them…or you can choose to lean into them, get better at them, and actually transcend them.

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