Hello, my loves. Let’s talk about what it takes to build something I like to call uncircumstantial confidence.

To kick it off, I want to talk about my next program coming up, Main Character Energy. This is one of my favorite, favorite, favorite programs—to the point that it’s given Connected Woman a run for its money.

Main Character Energy is all about becoming the main character of your life. I built this program because I’ve seen way, way too many people who are literally a supporting character in their own damn life.

Everyone takes precedence over them. They’re at the bottom of the pile. They’re stuck in patterns of people-pleasing, seeking external validation, all of those things, and they can’t get out of it on their own.

So Main Character Energy is about becoming the main character of your life and building confidence that is uncircumstantial, which is what I’ll be explaining today.

What is Circumstantial Confidence?

To kick this off, I want to talk about what circumstantial confidence is.

Circumstantial confidence is what you experience when your whole sense of confidence is built on the external.

You build confidence based on how much money you have. How successful your business is. How much you weigh. What size dress you are. What your relationship status is. Whatever it is for you, you’re building confidence entirely on the external, and that is very, very shaky ground to be on.

When you’re building confidence based on external factors, when things are going well, you think, “Oh my god, I’m building confidence so well. This is amazing.” But when things aren’t going well, your entire energy, your entire sense of self, who you know yourself to be…it all takes a nosedive.

I learned about this through my own internal wisdom while stripping.

Stripping gave me so much because I learned a lot about building confidence. I learned a lot about just putting myself out there, going up to people, taking risks, being willing to be rejected, all of that. It gave me so much, but what I found was that when someone was very receptive to me and they were an immediate “Yes” to having a lap dance, I felt amazing. I was constantly getting validated for my looks, my body, basically being “hot.”

On top of that, I had also built this personality that was very fun to be around. I would go up to guys and drink with them; I was doing shots, having beers, basically playing the part of the ultimate cool girl.

So I was constantly getting very validated on that. But the second that a guy didn’t want a dance from me—and especially when they would go for a dance with someone else—my confidence was absolutely shot to hell.

I didn’t have the language or the articulation to explain it yet, but that is when I started to learn what circumstantial confidence was.

If you build confidence based on things outside of yourself, you’re always going to be at the mercy of the external. And that’s being a victim to life, because you need the stars to align for you to feel confident.

For instance, you may feel confident in certain aspects. You may feel confident in certain circles. You may feel like you get to be the big fish in a small pond. But as soon as you’re the little fish in a big pond, that confidence is fucking gone.

The only way to know true power is to build confidence that is uncircumstantial, and to build confidence like that, it has to be built on the internal.

What is UNcircumstantial Confidence?

Uncircumstantial confidence is an internal sense of power that is unshakable. It’s unfuckwithable. It’s immovable—for example, if you’re in business and you have a lower month, or you’re looking for a relationship and the guy you like isn’t interested, that might feel disappointing…but it doesn’t shake your confidence. It doesn’t throw you into a tailspin if things aren’t going the way you think that they’re meant to go.

I believe that we’re always in co-creation with the universe. I believe that there is a plan, and we get to co-create that plan. But when things aren’t going according to said plan…who are you then?

So many people see people celebrating big wins on Instagram, and they see this woman—maybe even me—and go, “She’s got the relationship that she wants. She’s got a thriving business. She’s got a podcast.” Insert whatever you want into that space, right?

It’s very easy to think, “Oh, they have something that I don’t have. That’s why they have this and I don’t.” That’s not true.

In fact, I’ll speak from my own experience: I was not always this way. I was not always confident. I had a lot of self-doubt; in fact, it still comes up from time to time. But I don’t normalize that for myself. Instead, I make moves to get back to what I know to be true about myself.

That’s really what uncircumstantial confidence is. It’s knowing who you are and what you came here to do. Because when you anchor back into that time and time and time and time again, you are unfuckwithable.

Is the Universe With You, Or Against You?

I have a deep belief that the universe is on my side. So I have to ask you: do you believe that the universe is on your side, even when it looks like it isn’t? Because that is the core of unshakable confidence.

It’s very easy to believe that the universe supports you when everything’s going well. But who are you when it’s not? When you’re not the weight that you want to be at, or you don’t have the relationship that you desire yet, or your business isn’t making the kind of money that you ultimately know that you desire and that you are meant for…who are you in those moments? Because that is actually what true confidence is.

True power, true confidence, ios not being knocked off your throne by what is happening outside of you. And that’s something that takes a lot to develop.

This is why, in Main Character Energy, I actually give you tasks so that you get to practice this.

It’s all well and good for you to sit with your fucking journal and, and write out, “I am enough. I am confident. I am powerful.” But your brain is just going to go, “No, you’re fucking not. Bullshit.”

Building Confidence is Possible

Being confident is something that is built. It is something that is created.

If you’re in this frame of mind that confidence is something you’re born with, you either have it or you don’t, that’s going to be a very, a very painful place for you to be in. Because again, you’re always going to be at the mercy of what’s happening externally.

If you are of the belief that you’re born confident, and you see yourself as someone who’s just not confident, where do you go in that? You’re between a rock and a hard place.

I don’t believe we’re born confident or not. I believe that we build that muscle by using it over and over and over again.

The Anchor of Insecurity

The way I see it, the decisions, beliefs, behaviors, and thoughts that you engage in today will predict who you are in six months or a year from now. Who you are right now is a result of all the things that you were thinking and doing on repeat three, six, nine, even twelve months ago.

So if you are insecure, it’s because you have anchored in insecurity over and over and over and over and over again. If you are confident, it’s because you have anchored in confidence over and over and over and over again.

Confidence is a decision. And when you become internally confident, you start to transcend limitation.

I don’t believe in limitations. I really don’t. I believe that we are our own biggest cock-blocks, and so many of us are playing at 10% of our potential. If we actually got out of our own way, we would be able to do so much more. You would have the life that you ultimately desire.

Whether it’s the relationship, the money, the business, the clients, the body, whatever it is that you are ultimately desiring for yourself…it is available to you, but you get to choose what parts of yourself you strengthen.

When you start to develop this muscle of being internally confident and building that uncircumstantial confidence, you become deeply connected to your higher self. You know that you’re supported in getting what you ultimately desire.

You Have a Choice to Build Confidence—Make It

A lot of people forget that they have a choice when it comes to building confidence. You have a choice in how your life goes. What’s it going to be?

You can continue to do the same thing over and over, but ask yourself: am I strengthening and building insecurity, or am I strengthening and building confidence?

There is one practice for building confidence in Main Character Energy that will literally change the entire trajectory of how you show up in life…and I don’t say that lightly. This body of work is something that has the potential to change the trajectory of your life.

If this post ignited something in you, then follow the nudge and ignite courage within yourself. Courage creates confidence. If you’re ready to finally start building confidence that is utterly unfuckwithable, you can join Main Character Energy right now—the link is below!

WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Join The Connected Woman, a 12-week shadow work course for women who want to go from feeling anxious AF about their love lives to feeling confident, secure and having unfuckwithable self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman 

Join Main Character Energy, a 6-week course on becoming the main character of your life and stepping into delusional confidence: https://michellepanning.com/main-character-energy 

Ready to do the work? You can find all courses, masterclasses, and more right here: https://michellepanning.com/all-offers

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

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Website: http://www.michellepanning.com