And now for the ultimate question: When you finally feel ready to get back into a relationship, do you actually want to date another person, or are you secretly longing to improve the relationship you have with yourself? There’s an entire theory that says any external thing we are desiring is us actually needing something from within- we’re just mirroring. Brains are weird. And sure, on some level, everything is a reflection, but I’m not sitting here hoping and praying I get to make out with…myself (I mean maybe a little)? 

You Gotta Figure Out Why

The most critical component of this question is…another question. Sorry, but intention is everything so you have to figure it out. WHY do you want to date? I am telling you right now, if you haven’t done *the* work, you shouldn’t get back out there.

Don’t date because you’re scared to be alone, or because you need validation. You need to work on finding that validation from within, and you need to cultivate a relationship with yourself you relish- being alone should be blissful because you know how awesome you are. If you’re looking for a dude to answer any major questions you have about yourself, or to “complete” you, no ma’am. I’ve tried that shortcut, and guess what it saves you like 2 seconds of self-discovery and then adds on months since you have to do the OG work on yourself PLUS wade through break-up bullshit. Just don’t.

It’s Ok to Want a Partnership: The Bottomline

There is a state where you have done the work, and you love your life, and you’re lonely. This loneliness in no way negates the work you’ve done. It doesn’t mean you’re secretly miserable. We’re pack animals, and we’re wired to want connection. So again as long as you’re walking the fine line of “I can be alone, I just don’t want to be” you’re probably ok to get out there and connect with another human. Ideally over sandwiches.

Because you understand that you’re already complete, finding someone to cuddle with on Saturday mornings would be a nice bonus, right? You’re not in a rush, and you’re going to make standards and boundaries and hold them. You know your worth, and what you deserve, and that will inform who you share time with. Because you’re after a true partnership full of support and love, with the knowledge that you’re both complete people looking to share life. 

Go get him, tiger. And get fries for the table. You’ll never regret it.

Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.

Get on the waitlist now! For Swipe Right, my new 2-day program that will get you noticed on dating profiles! We will come up with a plan together to find your dream man and build your dream relationship. 

And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!

See you back here in the next one!