In this episode of The Unf*ck Your Relationships Podcast, I’m talking about accepting every little part of yourself, just as you are. Which I know is a lot easier said than done. But being hard on yourself doesn’t help anyone, it only hurts.
So many of the women who come into my programs, or that I work with one-on-one, or even who message me on Instagram, are so hard on themselves. Because they’re doing the work and their life still isn’t “perfect.”
They get so hard on themselves when they react to a trigger. They get hard on themselves when they come to a call and feel sad and depressed, and they feel like it’s not working. And it’s so easy for me or anybody else, any coach, any influencer, to talk on a podcast or go on their Instagram stories or run a program and say, “This is exactly what you need to do, and it’s going to be amazing.”
You absolutely can have the life of your dreams. You can have whatever you desire. You get to feel this good. You get to feel joy and you’re a human. You’re a human with real emotions that real things happen to and that’s okay to feel that. It’s actually very important that you feel like that, you feel all of that.
Some days it can feel like you don’t want to do the work anymore, and that it’s just too hard. You don’t want to dive into these wounds and traumas, because sometimes growth can be really exhausting.
This is why I feel like some people say ignorance is bliss. It can feel easier to not know. To not look at the things, to not look at your patterns, to not look at those wounds, right? There is such a strong medicine in going there and getting deep.
I’ve been going through some personal hard things. And I’ve been very tough on myself because I’m like, I teach this shed, and so why am I still reacting and giving into my triggers and allowing my wounded inner child to come out sometimes?
I was kind of spiraling down into this mindset of “it’s not working,” and I just did an episode really recently that was everything is working for you. And I do believe that, and it’s OK to have moments where you feel like it’s not. No one is immune to those doubts and moments of harshness on yourself. But you have to be willing to continue working and move forward.
The way to move through these things is to fully love and accept them. That’s how they don’t stay forever. Because the more that we say no, no, no, no to these parts of ourselves. That’s where they just get stronger. They get stronger because we’re denying parts of ourselves. And then we will attract people who deny those parts of us too.
They don’t want to see those parts. They don’t want to see your messy parts. They don’t want to see the part of you that’s bratty. And I’m not saying that you should give yourself full permission to act like a spoiled brat in your relationships, but it’s more so about accepting the fullness of who you are.
This is what these programs can bring up. Whether it’s The Connected Woman or another program of mine or anybody else’s program, right? Or even just your own spiritual journey. It’s like it will bring you to your knees at times. It will force you to submit and to surrender. And look at the parts of you that you have shamed and judged and repressed and shunned.
My intention with my programs is to empower you, to scoop up all of those pieces that you have left behind. Scoop them up into your arms and say, “I love you.“
Because oftentimes what we’re doing is we’re relating to parts of ourselves and saying “you ruin my life.” And this is how I’ve been relating to myself for a really long time. I’ve been looking at the parts of me that are really anxious, childish, and immature; and I’ve been demonizing them because I’ve done work and I’m a grown-up and I teach how to go beyond it.
I think there’s something to be said for just having the deepest amount of care and compassion and actually reverence for these pieces of us. Until we can fully accept all the pieces of us, we will not attract someone who will accept all of us. And I know you’ve heard it a lot, “you have to love yourself before somebody else can love you.” And there’s like an element of truth to that. But I also think that a lot of love for ourselves can be reflected through other people.
Acceptance of all parts of ourselves is necessary. It doesn’t mean that you are falling victim to these parts of you. But it’s allowing them to be witnessed and to be fully real with yourself and others.
We’re supposed to feel things and we’re supposed to feel things deeply. And for me, I’ve always felt that my capacity to feel things deeply is my biggest downfall. But I’ll tell you what, it’s my greatest superpower. That is a beautiful, beautiful gift you have been given. So use it and be compassionate with yourself and be gentle and know that it’s all working out for you.
Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
See you back here in the next one!
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”