Hey girl hey. I see you. Hammer in hand, nails in your teeth. That’s a mighty fine pedestal you’re fashioning. Who’s it for? Some dude?
No. Stop. Put the tools down. You’re done here. Keep the hard hat, it looks really cute.
I’m sure he’s lovely, and you’re right, I’ll bet his morning-after omelets are second to none, but honey, he’s just a dude. There are SO many of them.
And some can make frittatas, the omelet’s fancier, more complicated cousin.
Is pedestalling a word? It is now, I’m using it. Pedestalling™
We pedestal men because we have generous hearts that see the good. So we build everyone up, sometimes at the expense of ourselves. But in doing so, we turn men into these unattainable perfect beings.
We begin to marvel that they want to spend time with us. And we panic because someone so wonderful must be rare.
Pedestalling makes us panic, needlessly, and walk on eggshells instead of being genuine, because we don’t want to risk upsetting this ideal specimen of man.
Only he’s not ideal, our brain just made him out to be.
Instead, we should try having an abundance mindset. Because men are like dandelions- they’re everywhere. And if the worst happens and he doesn’t stick around, well; if he was so perfect, you would still be together, right?
And look what happened, you shifted your world around because you made yourself believe the sun shone out his ass, and he still left. Because he’s just. A. Person.
Pedestalling makes you needlessly desperate. And that, my friends, is trouble.
If he does stick around it’s because he’s fallen for a version of you tailored to his desires; a version that likely doesn’t exist because women are people and not characters written by male fantasy writers.
You have become…gulp…the “cool girl”. You know her. She loves beer and wings but somehow never burps, and thinks football is SO FUN. But also she’s made her man a full dinner despite the fact that she works full time too. But do you SEE how wifey material she is? Tell her what you want and she will be it!
Girl, STOP. This all sounds exhausting. If someone’s likes and dislikes don’t align with yours, that doesn’t mean either of you is wrong, just different. And you’d probably both be happier with someone else.
You will meet someone else. Because, again, men, like popcorn flavors, are plentiful.
Don’t you want someone you genuinely connect with instead of forcing it? Pedestalling means you downplay who you are, sometimes to your core, to accommodate a man.
Everything you love and play up about him…it’s actually a reflection of you. You see the world through the lens of your own experiences, and your compassion makes you want to build him up with qualities you’re familiar with.
(yes, this is a “the magic was in you the whole time” moment, and I’m not sorry…)
Look, with or without him, you are whole. You are complete. You are lovely. Please stop shrinking your soul so his can shine.
He’s a human with human flaws. He farts. He pees. He gets the stomach flu. He probably wore puka shells in the early years when he believed that they were “the in thing.”
All the good qualities you love in him, are in you.
Find someone who wants to enhance them, not overshadow them. And most importantly, make sure you remain true to what you need & desire most in your relationships, while continuing to embody your purest form of what makes you, you!
Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!
See you back here in the next one!
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”