It’s time. You’re finally about to take the plunge into online dating. Arguably, one of the most critical components when it comes to connecting in the digital world is an enticing profile.
It’s a way to pre-screen, and see initially if you and someone else have anything in common…but only if you do it right. I’m not talking about being quippy or charming (you can be if that’s your thing), I’m talking about being honest.
Obviously, you shouldn’t be out there catfishing people with fake pictures or making things up that are wildly untrue (please don’t exaggerate your love of hiking and then get annoyed when your dates all want to scale mountaintops. You did this to yourself).
In this instance, when I say honesty, I’m really talking about interests (slightly), but mostly about priorities. If you are genuine and authentic, that will shine through your profile. You will attract men who appreciate that genuine version of yourself.
So please spare him the details about what you love about your job or other generic niceties. You’re not here to waste time (his or yours) so get brave and lay it all on the table.
Remember, you are a whole complete person, not just a potential girlfriend.
And I’m going to go out on a limb and say you’re on a dating site (unless it’s Tinder, which do you babe) to find a partner. So why the hell are we all so conditioned to never admit that?
We all say bullshit like “I’m here to go with the flow and see where it goes” because otherwise, we think we’re going to scare men off. And yeah, we are. The wrong ones. The ones who do just want a casual hookup.
Again, if that’s what you’re looking for, go for it. But if you want a relationship, and you’re trying to seem “cool” by not admitting that, you’re going to attract men who genuinely don’t want a relationship.
Listen, we all know the “cool girl”. The girl who is unattached, carefree, loves beer and sports ball, and is never mad when her man cancels last minute to hang with the bros. Hell, she’ll call ahead at the bar and buy a round because she’s just that “cool”. Never clingy. Ever.
But here’s the thing. A lot of times “clingy” isn’t real. (It is if you’re calling 87 times or talking about kids’ names on date number 2). BUT, most of the time, “clingy” is treating a man like he’s your boyfriend when he doesn’t want a relationship and thought you didn’t want one either. Because you were trying to play it cool.
Even when you’re dating the right kind of person who wants what you want, there are still so many stupid games. For what?
“He waited 32 hours and 45 seconds to text me back so I have to double that and carry the one and am only allowed to text him between the hours of 5-7pm maximum of 30 words because he can NEVER know I like him.”
Why? You’re dating. I hope you like him! You should hope you like him, because, again, you’re dating. Not to burst your power bubble but 1) he probably already knows, and 2) if he doesn’t he should because you should be dating someone you can truly be yourself with. If you gotta play games to keep him, that’s not the vibe.
I know it can be as terrifying as it is empowering, but just be you. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by being yourself right out of the gate. If he’s right for you he’ll stick around and if he’s not he won’t, and you can sleep soundly at night secure in the knowledge you always go after what you truly want and need.
Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!
See you back here in the next one!
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”