I’d like to take this episode to talk about a topic I feel often gets pushed under the dating rug- the almost relationship.
We’ve all been there- you go on a few amazing dates, he’s wonderful, you’re communicating and connecting and planning events months in the future. You feel solid, and you just KNOW you’re both on the same page. He mentions meeting his parents. This is it. Any day he’ll ask you to be in a real honest-to-goodness relationship.
Only instead of that he tells you he’s done. Cue confused headspin. What the actual hell just happened? He asked you to be his date for his cousin’s wedding in a month; what gives?
And how the heck do you get over an almost relationship? So many people, even friends and family might look at you with confusion instead of compassion. You only dated a few weeks, so shouldn’t you be fine? Isn’t this just dating?
You might also try and gaslight yourself out of your feelings, whether it’s you avoiding dealing with the tough stuff, or you feeling ashamed because the collective “they” in your life tells you you shouldn’t even be phased by this.
But you liked him. And he seemed to like you. So now what?
For the sake of being straightforward, I present to you an official list of how to get over it when it may have never actually been a thing.
Sorry kid, but you can’t deny your way out of this one. And the people in your life shouldn’t be shaming you for valid feelings either. It doesn’t matter how long you dated or didn’t date- you felt like you had a deep connection, and that connection has been ripped away from you. Frankly, I’d be worried if you weren’t sad.
Chances are he’s probably not coming back, so especially if you’re an anxious attachment chica, for the love of god stand down. Unless he’s a complete psychopath, no dude has ever uttered the words “I don’t want a relationship” with the intention you’ll convince him otherwise. Also, if he’s avoidant you getting extra needy and clingy will only push him further away which is not cute. You don’t need to talk to him, or get closure (aka fresh pain); understanding the why won’t change what happened or make it easier to get over. Leave him alone.
It wasn’t timing- he just wasn’t the guy for you. You were incompatible and now you’re no longer dating. Stop with the timing because chances are you’re clinging to that prospect because it leaves room for a magical time where it is right. It’s probably never going to be “right”. The ship has sailed, and he made sure you weren’t on it.
Seriously, I had a therapist tell me once to pretend a guy who dumped me died. Stop internet stalking him- it’s only going to hurt you if and when you see him all happy without you, let alone if you see him pictured with someone. And stop tailoring your posts to get a response from him- don’t deny it, we’re all friends here.
This is a really pragmatic way to sort out the relationship in a realistic way so you can view it more neutrally instead of romanticizing everything he did. The good parts will help you refine what you’re looking for in the future, and the cons will help you realize you’re probably better off.
You’re only going to freak yourself out with your scarcity mindset spiral; you’re going to panic that you’ll never meet anyone as special for you and before you know it you’re dying all alone. It will also make you double down on the loss and will prompt you to romanticize the relationship and put it up on a pedestal.
I know this is my program, but it is such an incredible resource especially when addressing things like this. It’s all about learning to be with yourself through times like these, and connecting to the strength within you. In order to get over…whatever that was, and be ready for a new relationship, it’s key that you tap into the power within you, and learn to better discern in your love life and beyond from a wise and confident place. CW can help you do all of that, just sayin.
Look, even if you get married and ride off into the sunset, happily ever afters aren’t guaranteed. So better that you learn to grieve connections big and small so that you’re prepared and know how to rely on your greatest resource- yourself. No one can take your own power from you once you’ve found it.
Even if you do have a long and happy life with a partner, how are you going to show up for them when you can’t show up for yourself? Connected Woman is the key to helping you tap into the innate force that lives within you, and will allow you to be a better, stronger, more resilient version of yourself.
And lastly, if this article resonates with you- if you’re getting over a non-relationship right now- just know I’m so proud of you. It takes guts to put yourself out there, and it’s a brave thing to keep trying at the risk of getting hurt. But getting hurt means it was real, and that you are so much more capable and strong than you even know.
Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!
See you back here in the next one!
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”