Today we’re going to talk about The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. No, not that apocalypse, don’t get all excited and throw all your predictions about end times at me.
Relationship professional John Gottam is an expert on all things lasting connection, and he has defined the 4 most prominent nails in the coffin when it comes to break-ups and divorces- The Four Horsemen of a Relationship Apocalypse, if you will. These are dynamics I’ve encountered in my own relationships, and I’ve seen them countless times with clients.
If you can break these bad habits and patterns, and embrace newer ones that ease rifts and distance instead of perpetuating them, you might just find yourself a love that lasts.
They are 4 things to look out for if you want a healthy relationship in your life. This means if you’re leading with criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or stonewalling, girl you better back the fuck up, because you’re dooming your own relationship.
But also, let’s define these so you can stop yourself or your partner before your relationship implodes from a bomb of your own making…
And now, my solution is not to tell you to never fight, because if you were truly in love you would just agree constantly. That’s not real life, and it’s not going to happen. Ever. Never ever. No matter who you welcome into your life, at one point or another they are going to at best annoy you and at worst infuriate you.
If you want your relationships to stand the test of time, though- if you want love that lasts, then you’re going to have to overhaul how you fight. You shouldn’t be fighting to devastate the other person, or even to be right (I know feeling right feels great in the moment, but that feeling won’t sit with you on your deathbed).
Remember, you’re fighting for each other to fix the fact that something has happened where one or both of you is bothered or upset, and together you want to find a solution; all the while fundamentally knowing this other person probably wasn’t intentional in their actions leading up to this tense moment.
To me it seems like all of this comes down to communication, learning how to fight “well”, and putting ego aside by remembering that you’re in this together. It’s not about being right, it’s about being in a loving respectful relationship you both cultivate and care for, even during the harder moments.
Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!
See you back here in the next one!
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”