Today is going to be a little different loves, but in the very best way. Today I have one of my besties, Kelsie Hockins, coming on to chat with me about all things style, fashion, and embracing truly delusional confidence.
Delusional confidence has been super in the forefront of my mind lately, and for good reason: my new program, Main Character Energy, is starting up in January, and it’s all about stepping into delusional confidence.
You guys know that I’m committed to being in integrity with what I’m teaching. So if I’m going to teach about delusional confidence, I want to make sure I feel confident in every area of my life—including my closet!—which led to me hiring Kelsie as my style coach!
Michelle: Do you want to share what you do, Kelsie?
Kelsie: So, as Michelle mentioned above, I’m a style coach. I work with women that are stepping into a new phase of their life, particularly badass women that are looking to become iconic as fuck. It’s so important for women that are running these big businesses to actually have a wardrobe to reflect that power and give them delusional confidence. I want to help them with how they’re expressing their business and themselves through their fashion.
So, that’s what I do. I turn women into icons.
Michelle: Are you fucking kidding me? I turn women into icons. That is so fucking juicy. What I love about you and your work is that, like I told you, I’ve wanted to work with a stylist for years, but everyone seemed so fucking dry. They were wearing nothing but blazers and pantsuits.
Nothing wrong with that if that’s what you love, but that’s not my fucking vibe. I couldn’t find anyone that had that iconic factor I was looking for. And besides that, I also knew this wasn’t just going to be about my clothes. It was about diving into building delusional confidence and the “why” behind the things that I buy.
Kelsie: I think that’s the biggest thing that differentiates me from a stylist; being a style coach, I understand that clothes are not just clothes. They’re an extension of us. They are reflecting to the world who we are, and they’re allowing us to step into exactly who we are. So when we start changing who we are, it’s time for our style to change, too.
Michelle: Exactly. This is really good timing, actually, because the last podcast episode I did was all about stepping into a new identity and making decisions from that place versus where you currently are. So this makes for a great extension of that.
Michelle: So before we get into my actual experience working with you, tell me this: why do you do what you do? What started this for you?
Kelsie: So ever since I was a little kid, I’ve loved fashion. I always played in my mom’s wardrobe; I wore her heels and tried on all her jewelry and things like that. And even then, I just really understood that clothes could reflect something about me.
I ended up going to uni and studied fashion, but what’s really interesting is that when I was at uni, I actually felt like such an outsider in that world. It really is just about the clothes there. It’s all about starting a business and being fashionable and such, but it didn’t have that essence and expression that I was looking for. It was very prescribed. Like, this is it, and if you don’t fit this, you don’t belong here.
When I left uni, I really tried to make it into the industry, but I very quickly understood that I didn’t belong there. So I got out of uni and started a different type of business, but I just hated it. And then Michelle and I had a conversation around, well, what is my dream job?
Michelle: Yeah. I called her the fuck out. I’m very necessary.
Kelsie: You are! Because now I’m doing what I love. I know the power of clothing, and sitting on your couch that day, I just realized what it would mean to have women step into that and to be able to give women confidence that maybe they didn’t have before.
I’ve learned that combining self-development now with the essence of the clothes as well, that’s powerful. Everything seems possible. Anything can happen.
Michelle: Now, I feel like you and I have the same MO when it comes to fucking delusional confidence. Can you tell the story about the dress? You know the story I’m talking about.
Kelsie: Yes. Talk about needing delusional confidence. So when I first started at university, I was starting to play with my style and I was trying on some crazy shit, and I had this dress on. It was an oriental sort of style, and it was bright orange, white, and blue. It had this big slit up the side, and I wore it with this little leather jacket, and I thought it was so fucking cool. And as I’m walking down the street going to university, I hear this woman with her girlfriend walking past me, and she’s like, “That is the ugliest fucking dress I have ever seen.” She said it so loudly that everyone on the street could hear. And I felt so humiliated. No delusional confidence to be had there.
I never wore that dress again, and now that I’ve grown past that, I don’t want women to experience that feeling. I want them to have the delusional confidence that I’ve built up in myself since then. Like, fuck you, trying to tell me what I’m going to wear. Fuck you trying to tell me what I’m allowed to feel good in. No, I tell me what I’m going to wear, and if I tell you it looks good, you don’t get to tell me it doesn’t.
Michelle: This is exactly the delusional confidence I’m talking about in my program. You’re allowed to think you’re desirable. Someone else might not agree that you are, but when you feel desirable, you actually don’t give a shit if anyone agrees with you, because you’re fucking rock solid in who you are and the identity that you’re playing into that day. The “delusional” part of having delusional confidence isn’t actually crazy; it just means that nothing can shake your confidence in yourself.
Michelle: Another reason why I really loved working with you and will continue to work with you is because you were truly working with me, not against me.
When you came into my wardrobe, I warned you that you were going to see a million different personalities in there. I am someone who loves wearing like baggy tees, but I also wear little sundresses or miniskirts. I can be very eclectic in my taste, but you didn’t come in and tell me all of my less “fashionable” items had to go. You didn’t come in and say, “You shouldn’t wear that.” For instance, there was one top that I don’t think you particularly loved, but I love this top and my partner Drew loves this top, and I love wearing it. And you didn’t argue with me. You just said, “Fucking keep it!”
Kelsie: Well, here’s why: the feeling that you get when you wear that top is way more important than whether it’s technically “fashionable.” That’s exactly what clothes should bring you: a feeling of loving how you look in them and how you feel in them. If it doesn’t make you feel good when you’re wearing it, if it doesn’t support that delusional confidence, it’s essentially useless to you. You need to be turned on by what you’re wearing. You could be leaving the house in the most glamorous gown in your closet, but if you’re not feeling it, it’s not going to do anything for you.
When I do style profiles for my clients, I find out a few things about you. For instance, I ask questions like, “What’s the most important thing for you? What do you love about your current style? What do you hate? What are you looking for? Where do you want to go?” From there, I build a wardrobe that is super easy to maintain with your lifestyle. For instance, a big thing for you, Michelle, was comfort. You do not have to sacrifice style for comfort, ever, and I wanted to show you that. So the style profile essentially shows you inspiration for where you can go, how to style things, where to wear things and how to wear things, etcetera.
Michelle: I love this because it’s like a style bible. It’s something you can reflect back on whenever you feel lost or don’t know what you’re going to wear. This will reassert that delusional confidence and remind you who the fuck you are.
Michelle: I want to leave you with this. I actually put up a story on Instagram a little while ago that asked, “What are the reasons that you’re not confident?” Many of the answers had to do with appearance—having too much acne, being fat, etcetera. But actually, confidence has nothing to do with any of that. You’re of course allowed to have your human moments of insecurity, but confidence shouldn’t rely on what you look like, because your body is constantly changing.
Believe me, I know: I went through this recently with my explant. My body has changed in ways I wasn’t fully expecting, but this wardrobe shift was a step towards recentering my mindset on delusional confidence. It’s about feeling confident in yourself and who you are and not allowing other people’s opinions to dictate the way you carry yourself.
If this is something you need, if you’re ready to step into your own era of delusional confidence, sign up for my six-week course, Main Character Energy, starting in early January: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/main-character-energy/
If you want to go from feeling anxious AF about your love life to feeling confident, secure, and having unfuckwithable self-worth, join my program The Connected Woman, starting in early February: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman
Can’t choose? You don’t have to! Get the Main Character Energy and The Connected Woman BUNDLE: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/hot-girl-shit-bundle-tcw-mce/
Join The Hotline, a 4-week group Voxer container for you to plug into my mind and feel supported over the holidays: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/the-hotline/
Be sure to connect with me over on Instagram. I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were. Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
Ready to build your own style guide? Connect with Kelsie:
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”