Hello, my loves. Today we’re going to chat about a kind of dicey subject: emotional manipulation in modern dating. More specifically, how people are using AI to fake connection.

This isn’t going to be about demonizing AI—I want to lead with that. ChatGPT can be a really useful tool. But when it comes to dating, it can also be really dangerous, and it can actually end up doing a lot more harm than good.

There are so many ways you can actually be magnetic without becoming reliant on ChatGPT or other AI tools to get you through the early stages of dating. But even if you’re not using AI on the apps, you need to be aware that others are. Because…

Ruining or Revolutionizing?

AI is out here ruining and revolutionizing dating at the same time.

You can outsource everything about online dating to ChatGPT these days. People use ChatGPT to write their bios. They use it to analyze chat messages. They’ll even use it to come up with the perfect response.

Essentially, people are using AI to emotionally manipulate someone into seeing them in a particular light, and that is…deeply concerning.

If we have everyone using AI to craft the perfect response to everything, there’s no actual authenticity. Nobody’s being who they really are.

I was interviewing a client recently, and she mentioned that she was recently chatting with someone on a dating app, and it was truly amazing. All the answers were thought-provoking and/or emotionally vulnerable, he would always ask a question back to her, etcetera…and then when she actually went on the date, it was the complete opposite experience.

When she brought it up, he said (paraphrased), “If I’m being completely honest, I don’t know how to speak to women, so I use ChatGPT to write my responses.”

That’s where this can get really dangerous.

A New Pickup Artist in Town

This is what I mean when I say that some people use AI to literally manipulate emotional connection and create this false sense of intimacy.

AI the new pickup artist. And if you’re someone who gets hooked very easily on someone, even if you haven’t so much as had a phone call yet, this is especially dangerous for you.

All of the things that they’re messaging sound like they’ve done the work. They’ve gone to therapy. It’s all emotionally intelligent and wonderful. But until you meet them, you only know what they’re presenting via chat, which is the most curated version of them.

I’ve even heard of men who will screenshot what you’ve said, plug it into AI, and then ask the AI to “write a message to make her feel safe and will get her to open up to me.”

Whaaat the fuck, right?

That’s very fucking scary. Especially because if he had the capacity to hold a woman opening up to him, he would not need AI to construct that message.

People can write anything. They can put “Emotionally available” or “I see a therapist” or “I value honesty and communication” in their bio all they like, and I swear, women fucking drop their panties and are like, “Fuck me now.”

I’m always going to be an advocate for discernment, but especially in the age of AI, we really need to lean into discernment. And that means you need to be connected to your body.

Sound the Alarm

Just last week, I shared about a man I was chatting with on the apps (no shade to him) who talked about emotional availability. But when I asked him, “What does emotional availability mean to you?” and he shared his answer, I scanned my body, and I found that answer did not feel resonant in my body.

Of course, we’re allowed to have differing opinions. I could have opened up a conversation around how I see it differently. But I just was not feeling the vibe to even go there.

This is why doing embodiment and being connected to your body is so important, because if you are seeing a message from someone and everything seems right on paper, but your body is ringing alarm bells…that’s something to listen to.

It’s the same thing when you’re on your online dating journey. And again, I’m not saying that tech is the enemy. AI can be used in a way that’s authentic, and I talk about that more on the podcast. But I am saying that most people on the apps are using it to perform connection, not to create and cultivate true connection.

If you are anxiously attached, that is going to feel a lot like chemistry and falling in love. You’ll think you’ve met your soulmate…when, actually, you’ve just met someone who’s really good at feeding prompts into fucking AI.

He’s not your soulmate. You’ve actually fallen in love with ChatGPT.

No More Artificial Authenticity

Now again, I don’t believe tech is actually the enemy here. AI is not the problem. Unhealed people using AI is the problem.

The way that people are using AI is a reflection of how deeply disconnected we are from ourselves. But there is a way to use it and use it well.

If you’re curious about how to use AI in dating WITHOUT becoming reliant on it and losing all authenticity, head to Episode 207 of Unf*ck Your Relationships. I’m going to dive deeper into the dangers of AI in dating, but I’m also going to tell you how to use it the right way.

And if you already feel like you’re lost without ChatGPT guiding the way, and you don’t know how to find your own footing in the dating world, then my signature dating program Swipe Right is where you need to be.

Swipe Right is going to change how you show up in dating; not just how you respond to their texts.

You don’t need better lines; you need better boundaries. You don’t need a new profile pic; you need fucking nervous system regulation. You don’t need to act secure; you need to actually become secure.

Inside Swipe Right, I’m not just giving you theory. We’re doing the shadow work, we’re doing the embodiment, we’re doing the self-trust things. I’m even giving you scripts and templates to work with, because I’m a practical girl. You’ll leave this course dating with confidence and clarity and an unfuckwithable level of self-worth that cannot be touched…and doesn’t need AI to hold together.

Link is below. I’ll see you there. XOXO.

 ​WORK WITH MICHELLE: 

Sign up for SWIPE RIGHT, my signature dating program that is going to help you attract genuine, long-term love: https://michellepanning.com/swipe-right 

These aren’t just retreats. These are where we turn your inner chaos into GOLD. Sign up for THE AWAKENING RETREATS now before they sell out: https://michellepanning.com/awakening 

Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience

CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning

Website: http://www.michellepanning.com