Here’s a reminder that we can ALL use from time to time: You can choose to think thoughts that feel exciting, joyous, pleasurable, and good to you.
I know. It’s SO hard to do, because we’re so used to letting our thoughts run away with us. When one bad things happen, we start creating stories in our heads about what that MEANS.
But guess what? You are NOT a prisoner of your thoughts. Your thoughts are not little goblins that get to take control of you. And I have a hunch that all those stories you’re telling yourself are just NOT TRUE.
In this post, I’m excited to talk about how to shift your mindset to finally get exactly what you want and deserve.
A big thing I hear all the time from my clients is this: “OK, Michelle, I’m doing it. I’m doing the things. My dating profile is on point. I’m leaning back, I’m in my feminine, I’m receiving. I’m doing my mindset work every day. So what the fuck? Where is he?”
And here’s what I tell them: Nothing means anything.
When you haven’t met your person yet, what do you make that mean?
Take my story for example. I was 30, really deep in my personal development, and I still hadn’t met my person. And I just figured I must not be good enough, or I must suck at online dating. Or maybe I was still too traumatized or not healed enough. I figured I just needed to do more work.
I was making my singledom mean all these things when it actually meant absolutely nothing. It just meant I hadn’t met him yet.
So instead of thinking that maybe you’re just not meant for love, or that you have some fundamental flaw, what if you being single means absolutely nothing? How freeing does that feel?
No matter what stories you’re telling yourself – about dating, relationships, money, your boss, your family, your weight, aging, whatever – they’re just that… stories. We all tell stories to ourselves because humans are naturally meaning-making machines.
This is how we make sense of the world. If we see something that looks like a tree, we usually assume that it’s a tree without questioning it very much. We make everything mean something wherever we go, which can get a bit complicated when our emotions get involved.
A lot of times, we create our stories based on a fear of some outcome happening to us. But guess what? I guarantee that even the worst outcome you have in your head is not nearly as bad as you think it is. We can do hard things, so stop making things mean things that they don’t.
For example, say you get ghosted by a guy. Sure, it sucks. But we make that mean ALL kinds of things. You might think it means that you’re not good enough. Or it means that he’s an asshole.
But maybe in reality, he had a really traumatic childhood, and he’s afraid of conflict. Maybe he actually liked you so much that he was intimidated by your presence and didn’t know how to handle that. You just never know! I’m not saying any of those are more true than the original statement, but you can make ghosting mean absolutely anything in your head.
So instead of thinking that getting ghosted makes you worthless and unlovable, what if you could make it mean that you’ve eliminated another option… and you’re actually one step closer to finding your person?
So, here’s the thing: you can choose to believe that nothing’s working, nothing’s happening, everything sucks, and nothing ever works out for you.
OR… you can choose to believe something that feels good. You can choose to believe something that feels pleasurable and empowering and exciting. Which one do you want?
Remember that our thoughts only hurt when we attach to them. So when you start conjuring up a story in your mind, be willing to see things differently. There are a bajillion reasons why people do the things that they do. And quite frankly, it’s none of your business. So question everything. Question your beliefs and your thoughts, because they’re trying to trick you. Remember, if it doesn’t feel good, it’s a LIE.
The next time you feel yourself spiraling down into a story you’ve created, question those thoughts and stories. Ask yourself the following questions:
“Is this story true?”
“What am I making this experience mean?”
“What else do I want to believe?”
The more you can catch yourself in a spiral to ask yourself these questions, the more you’ll start shifting your mindset to start getting what you really want (and deserve!).
Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
See you back here in the next one!
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”