You’ve done it. You’ve met the love of your life. You kiss passionately, as you gently cradle each other’s faces…
The camera fades out because you’ve achieved the goal and the story and life ends after this, right?
Wrong. But really you’ve finally found the one. Now what?
Are You Actually Ready to Find Him?
Oh, it all seems fine in theory. You have all these ideas and standards about the ideal man for you. He’ll be attractive and put together and communicative, self-assured but also safe. But here’s the thing; if you’re holding him to high standards, chances are he’s holding you to the same.
So are you in a place to accept his healthy affection? Are you in a place where you can meet the same standards you have set for him? Are you prepared to enter into a relationship with confidence? No tantrums, no avoidance, you’re going to have to own your own bullshit.
A decent man expects you to be able to communicate with a healthy side of vulnerability as needed. Acting out to test boundaries? Nah. Avoiding conflict because it makes you uncomfortable? He doesn’t dig it.
He’s not here to be your father, just like you’re not here to be his mother. You both want equal partners. This is why the relationship is healthy and balanced, but also why you’re expected to communicate in healthy and productive ways. You’re going to have to get good at dealing with big emotions in appropriate ways and guess what, he’ll do the same. Ah, reciprocity.
The Work Never Stops: The Bottomline
Even once you’re in an established relationship, unless you’d like it to wither on the vine you’re going to have to keep doing the metaphorical gardening. This means growing and changing together and showing up every day prepared to Own. Your. Shit.
Your testing antics WILL drive him away. He’s a grown-ass man who does not have the time to deal with you being a toddler. This is not to say that you’re never going to freak out on him. And it doesn’t mean that one freak out is going to drive him away.
We’re all human. You’re going to fight and you’re going to hurt each other. That’s inevitable. But again we have the chance to come together as adults and sort through the mess we made. And part of that is owning your part of it. And talking about where the communication fell apart. And figuring out ways to avoid the same conflict in the future, together.
It’s truly trusting and embracing yourselves as a team and remembering that if you’re at this point, he’s earned your trust. So you need to give him yours and stop acting out like he has one foot out the door.
Thank you so much for reading! Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were! Or head over to my website to learn more about how we can work through your relationship journey together.
And don’t forget to join my signature 12-week program, The Connected Woman, if you’re ready to go from anxious & insecure in your relationships to setting boundaries, healing yourself, and living your dream life!
See you back here in the next one!
Oh, You Want the Nice Guy to Stay? Cool, Show Up and Do the Work and He Will
I get it, girl. I’ve been there too. For years, I was going through the same experiences with men over and over again that left me feeling confused, anxious and pissed off.
I silenced myself in dating and relationships because I was terrified of being judged, rejected and abandoned. It all changed when I went through a break-up and thought “enough is enough. I cannot continue to repeat the same relationships with different men! Something HAS to change!”